Happy Monday!

Just sharing my thoughts from Friday…. I might post later… Thanks for reading.

Friday 1.28.11
Location: Classroom
Time: Lunch time
Mood: What’s that?

I didn’t wear heels today… I ran for the bus when I didn’t see it coming and missed the early bus… Panting on the bus stop in 50 degrees I sat down and plugged in my ear phones… Not plugs… I broke those a few days ago but I bought a three pack set of earphones, earplugs and the kind that wrap around your ears (what are those called?)… I broke two out of three and I’m left with old school earphones… No one uses these things anymore…

In a magenta polo and loose straight leg dark wash jeans rolled at the ankle and an oversize navy blue cardigan I’m sitting in my classroom. Beyonce`is singing Jay-Z’s praises in “Hello”… I love this song but I don’t believe in love at first sight or word. People say what you want to hear and I’m not being skeptical…

On the way to my 4th period class I wondered to myself if my ex reads my blog… So much of my thoughts are wrapped up in him these days… I won’t put our past out there, I’ll just say that I made a decision that changed our options… He’s moved on… I’m packing. Wondering if when I’ll get to the point where Kimberly Elise’s character in Tyler Perry’s Diary of a Mad Black Woman was when she realized she was over her husband.

Being completely honest, I want to get there. At the point where I can be his friend and genuinely be happy for him. I just skipped through 3 songs and stopped at The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill (the song, not the entire album)… This is by far my favorite L-Boogie track. I fell in love with it when I was about 15 or 16… Can I define my own destiny? Can I stop caring what he thinks? I’m sure it’ll take time.

I look down at my navy boat shoes w/ brown strings and white stitching and I think about him… I know I’m giving him way too much thought. He’s building a house. He’s moved out of mine and I’m still packing, looking at pictures on the wall… Girl,you gotta move on…

I had a conversation with my dad about break-ups… A real conversation… He told me his first love broke his heart and he had considered suicide… If he had taken his life at that phone booth with my Aunt on the other end I wouldn’t have his nose or feet or dark skin… I wouldn’t be typing these words… So, that taught me to just live and NOW… It takes time… Time…

I’m going to start sewing soon… That excites me… Well, yeah, it does… Adele is playing now.. Daydreamer… “heart” this song… Reminds me of NYC and living at 520 with Rat. I’m smiling…

Lunch break is almost over… I had IHOP… steak omelet and a soggy waffle… leftovers from breakfast… My stomach is way too full… Sprite from the vending machine poured into a styrofoam cup… I hear the bubbles crackling… Aside from Adele and my clicking on the keyboard, this classroom is quiet.

I have to do my hair when I get home…. I’d like to go shopping but I need a netbook more than a new dress… I like dresses… Vintage… They match my hair…

I’m rambling… It’s helping… I can get through this…
I read something great today on Demetria Lucas’s archives… I think it was from her 27th bday post… it read: A break up shouldn’t break you; don’t break down.

Again, it was a choice I made… I’m fluffing the pillows on the bed I made… May as well make it comfy, right?

Thanks for letting me vent.

Say Something Nice 🙂


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2 thoughts on “Thoughts….

  1. 2blu2btru says:

    This is really beautiful. I’m more than sure you will get to the point where you can say you’ve moved on and be happy for him. It may take a while, but you’ll get there. It’s good that you’re going to start sewing. Getting back into discovering things you like and doing things that fulfill you will help you get back to being you and not an us or we a lot faster. I wish you the best. 🙂

  2. Ugghhhh! Thank for sharing your thoughts with us on this Monday. Your writings are inspiring me more and more. I was once a dedicated writer, self-proclaimed poet, a Renaissance Woman if you will. I stopped writing. Why? I still can’t answer that or blame it on writer’s block. Wait. i didnt stop. It just because more less frequent. But, reading your stuff… is giving me my mojo back. The theraphy in it is refreshing…. so I’m trying with my own blog to battle procrastination and just being “busy” and try to focus and get back to a few of my 1st loves. Ughhh! Pray for me! But back to you… Sewing, aye? I sew and lil something here and there. Its fun! Especially you and the love for all things vintage… you can really make some nice dated skirts. I see it I see it! Go for it!

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