It’s that season again. No, not winter, spring, or summer, but engagement season. Every few years, there comes a set time where it seems like everyone
except Sepia is getting engaged. My first experience with e-season, as I’ll call it, occurred in 2007 (read about it briefly, here).
I’m sure this happens to every girl of the marriable age, so I’m no exception. My best friend is engaged, my business partner is engaged, my older sister is engaged (and I’m supremely happy for her!!!). I have three weddings to participate in in the next twelve months. Three dresses.
Three diets. Three times at which I may have to weave and/or straighten my hair. Three oh three it’s the magic number. And I’m not complaining one bit. I’m actually cool.
Here’s what I’m not cool with: single women making their “singleness” an excuse. Sure, there are certain things we can’t do while single (well, Christian single) but for the most part, we have the long end of the stick. There’s a great charge with changing your last name and going home to the same person night after night after night after… well, you get the picture.
You must prepare yourself for a huge adjustment. But that’s not what this post is about.
I recently sat in a women’s Bible-study class and the topic was: “Eve: The First Woman”. The speaker brought up points on how Eve was the first woman, wife, mother and sinner. The bulk of the conversation was about how a wife should behave. See, Eve, as the first sinner, was separated from her husband when the serpent tricked her. She didn’t consult with him, therefore, making a decision on her own, she’s the reason why I suffer every 28 days (sorry to any male readers who may be semi-grossed out, but it’s the truth).
We went on to talk about how a great wife carries herself and yadda yadda yadda and how the older women should teach the younger women how to be good wives. I had no problem with those points. Valid indeed.
What struck me was one commenter who said,
“But what about the single sisters? We need the married sisters to teach us how to prepare to get a husband.”
*insert screeching halt*
My hand couldn’t go up fast enough. My heart was racing. My breathing increase. I waited for my name to be called and calmed myself down.
“[Sepia], you have a comment? “
“Uh, yeah. So, before we’re single. We’re Christian. We can’t blame being single on anything.”
Not one thing.
Don’t blame your singleness for your idleness. As a matter of fact, this is when you can get closest to Him.
Don’t blame your singleness on your inactivity. You have the time to do what needs to be done without ANY hindrance. At this point in your life, you should be a dream chaser! Attack your passions one by one until you have to come up with another list of things you haven’t done!
(Not to say married women don’t have goals – because the fabulous married set I know has talents galore – but some of us single ladies have LOTS of free time to get things done.)
Before I go any further I must address the sect of single women who choose to be single; myself included. Everyone doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. Whether you have goals that you don’t want to be distracted from or you’re just not ready, I ask this one question: Why did you choose to be single?
Answering for myself, I’m single because I was tired of going from person to person; situation to situation. I needed a break. I decided that 2011 would be my super duper single year and I’d devote this entire year to getting closer to God. Now, this is a life-long relationship I’m working on. Therefore, I’m wise enough to pray about any decisions I make regarding the opposite sex. I’ve had my slip ups. I could stand to read my Bible a little bit more, but overall, I’m all His.
So, where is thing going? Keep reading…
I’m no guru on being single. I’m just one voice. I define being single as in an unmarried, unattached state (think Hawaii -hahahaha. yes, I’m laughing at my own lame joke). Single does not mean desperate. Single does not mean lonely. Single does not mean less than.
During most of my time in The Most Wonderful Place in the Continental United States of America (bka New York City), I was kinda in a couple relationships. All but one of those guys had time enough to spend the day doing the things I loved doing. My days were free and with the majority of the people I knew there either in school or at work during my free time I did lots of things alone.
That didn’t really change once I moved home. I’m often found shopping, going to the bookstore, movies, museums, poetry readings, everything alone. I even take myself to dinner… a lot!
A friend of mine asked, “Don’t you feel weird eating/watching a movie/looking for shoes alone?”
My reply: “Nope.”
I’m a rare breed of woman who doesn’t have to have people around at all times. I have lots of family so time alone is always very comforting. I’m able to spend as much time as I want rewinding the really funny part in a Will Ferrell comedy I’ve seen a thousand times or rushing through the mall to get a pair of boots without lounging in a store for hours.
I’m one fabulous single woman, if I do say so myself – and I do! People often ask, “why hasn’t someone married you yet?”
Who wants just “someone”? I want The One sent from THE ONE!
At least twice a day I hear, “so, your boyfriend/husband/man must be (insert presumptuous comment) because you’re so (insert flattering adjective).”
I’ve learned to take it in stride and keep walking. I know my purpose. I know His plan and as soon as He’s ready for me to be un-single, I’ll keep traipsing through life in magnificent vintage dresses, uber high heels and hold my crown of 1b curly, puffy hair high to the sky.
I refuse to use being single as an excuse for me to not do anything I’ve prayed about and set my mind to (including, but not limited to: learning to sew, cook, decorate, change a diaper, be a lady, say “no”, fall in love, fall out of love, move to a new city, travel alone, write a book, just be.)
Be sure to share this with a single friend or two… Oh, and previously single ladies, let me know what you could’ve done differently/better to make your “un-married” days more fulfilling.