From We to he and me.

Minus the name of the person writing the blog, everything posted here is 100% real-life. I sometimes waffle with whether or not I should change the name of the blog to [myrealname].wordpress.com. Either way, most people who know me via facebook or in real-life, at least know the face and government name of the natural-haired woman behind Sepia Brown.

Now that we have that out of the way here we go:

This year started out rough. A decision that I’d made in November came back to affect me in a major way. I checked “no” instead of “yes” or “maybe”.  It was a sound decision; one that caused me much heartache but growth as well.

I let go of a friendship, love, comfort zone and a possible husband. ::gasp::

Yes. I just typed the h-word.

Backtrack a few posts and you’ll probably gauge that my emotional well-being wasn’t where it is today. I was beyond navy blue. I was some shade of eggplant. But it was all my fault. If I found it necessary to blame anyone.

After 7 years of back and forth, 7 years of love and indecisiveness, he moved on. Honestly, I thought he’d always be there…. waiting…. for me. But he did what was best for him.

So it went from WE to he                            and               me.

he + she                                                                                 and me.

me. 

all by my  lonesome. wallowing in my thoughts. doubting myself. wondering when the tears would stop.

Someone had to have prayed for me because they stopped. I realized I was blaming him for so much of the pain I was feeling and while thoughts of our past probably brought those feelings up, I made a choice. So did he.

I spent a few days being bitter, a few more days crying, and lots of days praying and talking.

On the Saturday before Valentine’s Day, I had a conversation with a wise woman friend of mine. It was after said convo that I realized I hadn’t been treating him as I should. During our 7 year frelationship, he introduced me to Christ. Not only were we he+she, but we were also brother- and sister- in Christ. On many occasions, and for the bulk of our relationship, we overlooked the most important bond; focusing more attention on our dating/social life (see why some things don’t work out).

I made a decision to apologize to him for putting my hurt feelings in front of what is required of me as a Christian. Sure, it’s not the most popular decision but it’s what’s most vital for my growth as a woman.

It took a while for me to muster up the strength to even look in his general direction but a week after that conversation, I was given the opportunity to speak with him about my less-than-Christian attitude.

Humbled and nervous I went up to him and said, “Hey, I think I need to apologize to you about something. I haven’t really been treating you as a brother-in-Christ and that’s not right. I’m sorry.”

Him: “Thank you. I had noticed it and I wanted to say something to you about it but I just didn’t know how. But I was gonna say something.”

A boulder of bitterness was lifted. I smiled. We hugged. Said, “I love you.” And went on with our lives.

This guy, the same guy I had a crush on in middle school, re-met at 21, fell in and out of love with, broke up with, got back together with, decided to be friends with – that same guy, I couldn’t be happier for at this very moment.  While I miss our friendship and bond I look forward to our growth as Christians.

At the end of the day, God knows.  He knows the beginning, middle, and end. Last I checked, I’m still living…. Watching what happens  next.

Respecting the process of going from We to               he (+she)                       and             me.

Thoughts?

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4 thoughts on “From We to he and me.

  1. 2blu2btru says:

    That must be a hard place to get to! I love how you came to the realization that your relationship with other Christians is so much more than a dating/social relationship. Considering God and what you both need to do as Christians is always going to be important in any relationship. So is the ability to forgive and let go of things. Forgetting those things that are behind us, we reach.

    Isn’t it amazing how God reveals these truths about who He is and what He requires of us to us in ways we can grasp? I’m glad you’re taking hold of it and growing in it, instead of fighting it and having to be shown the same thing over and over again. Yay for growth!

  2. Keri says:

    I’m proud of you. Vulnerability = true power. I can imagine how tough it was to apologize to him. Character growth right there. I find that it can be so hard to let go of wanting to be right or just to be brutally honest with ourselves. Been there!! Thanks for your example and for sharing with us.

  3. Jaclyn Rae says:

    Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I read this post… Thank you for speaking to my heart. I read this at exactly the right time.

  4. […] Spoken Dreams tells the Lord she’s listening. My good blogging friend Sepia Brown discusses forgiveness (and singlehood–P.S. Sepia–my post on the Importance of Being Single can be found […]

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