Depending on Independence

Hey lovely, fabulous, awesome, stupendous readers!!!

Welcome Back!

Happy Independence Day!


Let’s get into it.


I recently had a conversation with Rumplestilskin about independence.

Sepia: Rumple, what do you envision when you hear the words: independent woman?

Rumplestilskin: I envision a woman that doesn’t know,uh, I don’t know, hold on, you’re typing all of that?

Sepia: Yes. Go on. What’s an independent woman to you?

Rumplestilskin: I don’t believe that there’s a such thing as an independent woman (or man for that matter). We all need somebody. She needs her employer.

Sepia: Hold up,  Rumple, of course I’m talking about in a relationship.

Rumplestilskin: An independent woman is self-reliant.


Sepia: Would you date an independent woman? Why or why not?

Rumplestilskin: Yes (cracks knuckles). I would date an independent woman, but she won’t be independent for too long. That’s what you look for in a woman, not in a girlfriend. I don’t want my girlfriend to be independent. But before I meet a woman, that’s a trait I like to see. She should handle her own business. I’m an indpendent man, but in a relationship, we both drop the in’s and become dependent on one another. She’s dependent on my phone call, my text, my touch, my I miss you’s.

Sepia: So, as a man, what do you typically depend on your woman/girlfriend/significant other for?

Rumplestilskin: (smiles) I depend on her for confirmation.

Sepia: Expound.

Rumplestilskin: Confirmation is her letting me know that what I’m doing for her is what she wants and NEEDS. I need to make sure I’m treating her the way she needs to be treated.

Sepia: Anything else you depend on your woman for?

Rumplestilskin: To be there. She’s supposed to be my rib so as long as she got my side, we got each other’s backs and fronts and feets (chuckles) and hands. I mean, it’s just natural for a man to want a woman.

Sepia: Okay but back to the dependency. Do you think depending on a woman makes you weak?

Rumplestilskin: No. Not at all, um, she’s a help-meet. She helps me and she cooks… meat. I’m just joking but um, she motivates me to get up, do, plow that field. It’s a team effort. I bring home the dough, you bake the bread.

Sepia: Okay, your turn to ask the questions.

Rumplestilskin: How do you feel about being independent? Are you an independent woman?

Sepia: Um, that’s a toughie. I am dependent on many people for many things but that’s by choice. Ultimately, I know that I can only count on God. I don’t boast about being an independent woman because I’m not. I have the ability to be independent but right now, I’m in a position where I can depend on someone else. And of course, I depend on God for everything. He provides me with everything and everyone in my life.

Rumplestilskin: You know what’s funny is that most women wouldn’t admit being dependent on anyone else. (laughs) And what most of you – not you, other women – fail to realize is that though Beyonce sings about being an independent woman, she goes home to a man every night.


Sepia: Ha! True enough. But what about God. Do you think you depend on Him for everything or is there ever a time when you are or have been independent of God?

Rumplestilskin: Yeah, I have and that’s when something happens. He makes you crawl back to Him for trying to be independent. David, killed the lion, killed the bear, killed Goliath, but was running from his own son. Come on, man! You have to depend on God. It’s impossible to be indpendent of God.

Sepia: I agree. I find that being independent in life and relationships comes only through dependence on God. I don’t sweat the things that are going on around me. I can detach myself from them because in the end, God’s got it.


Here’s what a few of my friends had to say about being independent women:


I’m an independent woman because I ‘WANT’ a man but I don’t ‘NEED’ a man. I’m proffessional, I provide for myself ie: I pay my own bills, I can take myself anywhere I want to go, I can buy myself anything I want, overall I’m self-sufficient.

 ReDonn, 40-something, Nurse Case Manager


I’ve been able to survive and provide for myself with little to no help from mankind. God is my source and my provider.  – Nikeiva, 31, Diva Supreme


Being an Independent woman is so overrated!!!! I am proud to be a hard-working woman. I would love some help. I get tired of working two jobs, and taking care of everything on my own. I’m not looking for any handouts,and can hold my own for sure, however there are times when a woman wants to depend on a “Man”; and not only financially but emotionally and spiritually.

– C. Morley, almost 30, Owner of a Non-Profit Organization

Being an Independent Woman to me means knowing where you stand in life. Not needing the opposite sex to validate you. Being indepent to me means having standards and setting goals that you want to accomplish for yourself. I’m Independent…….You are in my life cause I want you here, not because I need you here. I look the way I look because this is how I want to look, not ’cause you said I should look this way. Who wants o do everything on their own? Having a partner doesn’t make you any less Independent….This is why God gave Adam, Eve…because having a partner should make things easier.  – Shawntay, 30+, Wife, Mother, Beyonce Fan
Thoughts on being an independent woman run the gamut from praise to dread. While there is no right or wrong answer, I find it intriguing to see the definition changing from the girl-power laden anthem to that of the single woman wanting to settle down and get help.

While I don’t wave the banner of INDEPENDENT WOMAN super proudly, I know that, if need be, I could handle my own. For now, I lean on God for pretty much everything. So what if that help comes in the form of a man!


What are your thoughts on independent women? Let’s talk about it.

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3 thoughts on “Depending on Independence

  1. thampton says:

    This is a great post. I’m very interested in Nikeiva, Diva Supreme. Is there any chance you’ll have a conversation with her on your blog? Kind of like a guest blogger. I’m very interested to know how she attained her status. Fascinating!!

    • sepiabrown says:

      Thanks for your comment, THampton. I’ll definitely look into it. She has such great insight. I may have to speak with her management company to see if she’s available.

  2. Diva Supreme says:

    No need to speak with my management, I’d love to be a guest blogger! I’ll have my people call your people?

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