In A Relationship… Just Not On Facebook

I’m what some would call a former Facebook addict. I say former only because I don’t post pictures or notes as much as I did while living in NY. I can remember when I updated my status like 20 times per day (pre-twitter), made sure I carried my digital camera everywhere I went, and chatted online for hours at a time.

Regardless of what has changed, there have always been secrets I kept away from Mr. Facebook. I never posted my deepest, darkest feelings that would confirm to anyone reading that I might be bipolar or mentally unstable due to my most recent break up  going through something.

Another facet of my life that has been kept secret is (dun, dun, dun) my relationship status. Newsflash: I have a boyfriend. The people who really matter already know that. If you’re finding out for the first time, congratulations, and welcome to Sepia In A Relationship!  (I promise this won’t consume my blog as this is not a blog about my relationship(s).)

Even while  super single (as long as I’m not married, I’m single), I never posted my status. Not sure why, though.  Maybe I’m insanely private? Nah, I post pictures of my breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I check in at the gym (on the way out) almost everyday, and most of my friends know how much I spend monthly at Grand Lux because I’m always there according to Facebook.

So, why won’t not post your relationship status on Facebook, Sepia? Hmmm…. Lemme think about it. Okay, I got it.

People place waaay too much emphasis on the whole [Sepia Brown] is now in a relationship with [Rumplestilskin LaVerde].

Thanks Mark Z, and the whole Facebook crew! With the advent of the comment and “Like” feature on status updates, you opened up a world of trouble.

I’m pretty sure if I list my relationship status, there will be a slew of  “Congratulations”, “It’s about time”,  and , “Who’s the lucky guy?” – type messages.  Um, no thanks.

The only status change that should matter is once I get engaged, or, even better, married. It’s the only point at which I’m completely off the market.

Let’s not start with pictures! Whoo, chile!!! Post one picture and it’s over!!!  My last blog post featured a sorta picture of Rumplestilskin. I’m sure I could very well post the entire picture and get zero flack about it, but I want to keep my business, my business. He’s my Rumplestilskin and I could care less if you like him or not…. Okay, Sepia is calm now.

So, I asked a few of my friends why they posted or refused to post pictures of their significant others and why they did or didn’t post their relationship status. Here’s what I got:

I have been in a relationship for close to 6 months but I choose not to put my status on Facebook. I have a few reasons for not putting it on here. 1) I don’t want people that I really don’t know asking me questions about it. 2) If I put “in a relationship” and it doesn’t work out I don’t want to have to explain anything to anyone when I have to change it to “single”. 3) I am a private person when it comes to my relationship and don’t like everyone in my business.

I don’t have any pictures of him or us up because like I said I am a private person when it comes to that and I just don’t feel like I need to post it all over facebook. Me and him know what we have, my friends know him, his family and friends know me so there’s no need to post it on FB.

Now if he decides to propose or something then yes that status will change, LOL!!!!

– Renee, Miami, FL

I see it this way either they are not proud of what they have meaning being in a relationship or the person they are dating doesn’t have them on their page.

Lol! And another thing why are there people who are married or in a relationship and not Friends  [with the significant other] on facebook that’s just puzzles me. Something bout that is just sneaky.

– American Boi, Albequerque, New Mexico

We work together. Inter-office politics don’t always allow for successful relationships. People see pictures and make comments at work. Too much to deal with.  Sometimes you can’t  put stuff like that up (pics and status) because intrusive  people will try to find out more and break it up, try to start problems, or show you up with unintelligent comments. I find when you  keep your focus on your relationship and keep it off of facebook things work out a lot better.

– Morgan, Tampa, FL

I’m not my relationship.

– Shawn, Brooklyn, NY

I think Shawn pretty much sums up my thoughts on posting my status or pictures of Rumple and I on Facebook. It is where I do business (4ChristSake, Sepia Says), connect with potential sponsors and readers, and where I post my thoughts on everything. While I love my Rumplestilskin, and will not deny his presence, he’s not my sole representation.

So, if anyone asks, yeah, I’m in a relationship… Just not on Facebook.

Thoughts?

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9 thoughts on “In A Relationship… Just Not On Facebook

  1. danzopratt says:

    Awesome post! I agree 100% with every point made. It’s interesting how Facebook has really become the soap opera of our times where people simple people watch all day. My lady and I went through the whole relationship status changing and all of that when we first started dating, but, now it’s more or less our business.. I’d imagine if we’re blessed to be engaged at some point, we’ll post that status, plus, I’m a selectively private person, so, I like the idea of people never really being sure, yet uncomfortable asking.

  2. MissFathiyyah says:

    Well let me start by saying that I knew something was up! Lol…juskiddin! I have never had my relationship status on fb for some of the same reasons the ppl above stated…there are a lot of aspects of my life that I don’t share on fb, not just my relationship status…some things are better left for real life…I’m not so self conscious that I think ppl are trying to sabotage anything, but some parts of my life I rather not plaster on the web..although I am single and have been in relationships in the past, its not a secret, its “just not on Facebook”…lol

  3. Shawntay Simpson says:

    This was a good read after my breakfast…..Here is my little “2 cents”…lol
    I understand all the comments for not changing status or posting pics but I always felt like why hide relationship status….If you post and talk about everything else and take pics of things ppl could care less about why not post pics of the person u r in a relationship with. Pll will always have something say…Having an available status and you are not available leaves doors open…in my opinion. You don’t have to supply fb will detailed info by letting ppl know you are “off the market”…

  4. 2blu2btru says:

    This is an interesting take on it. Since I mention Mr. Perfect on my blog a LOT, it really doesn’t matter if people who read me know I’m in a relationship. He’s also all over my twitter, too (because he says funny things I like to repost). We’ve also been in an exclusive relationship for over 3 1/2 years, so most people who actually talk to me know about him anyway. It saves a lot of those random people who are getting back in touch with me on some “back in the day you were cute and smart and a good girl and I was looking for a freak, but now that I’m older, been through some things, and am ready to stop playing around, what’s up with you?” a little time. 😉

    Now, if it were complicated (whatever that means) or something like that, then I wouldn’t list that at all…though those who are interesting could probably just read my blog to find out!). I didn’t know they had a choice for an open relationship! I guess that whole thing is really gaining some momentum, huh?

    I can understand & respect your decision, though, Sepia…and I’m happy for you and Rumple! 😀

  5. Christie says:

    I completely agree, my status will never be anything other than single and married. Anyone close to me will already know I’m in a relationship and engaged and I wouldn’t want FB to be their first notification anyway.

    I almost hate to see people change their status to “in a relationship” not cause I’m hating but because more times than often I see it changed back in less than 6 months and then everybody is all “what happened” and other nonsense. I mean people don’t update folks on their relationship status like that in real life….or maybe they do.

  6. Manny says:

    LOVED this post!!! My boyfriend and I are currently having this debate. He wants to change our statues, but I’m 100% against it! I’ve had a FB since 2004-ish and I’ve had many of boyfriends since then, let me tell ya! But never have I changed my relationship status to reflect said relationships. My reasoning? Facebook is NOT, I repeat…IS NOT real life! It is nothing more than social networking. A place to share snapshots of your life and thoughts, but not a complete representation of who you are in your reality. In the world of FB, relationships are not things to be praised as much as they are things to be dissected. Everyone wants to know WHO the guy is, where they work, if they have children from a previous relationship and a host of other things that they would never have the marbles to ask you to your face. Like you, Sepia, I never deny The Boyfriend’s presence, but WHO he is is not important to anyone except me and those in my “real” life who are truly happy for me. ❤

  7. Cayenne says:

    Wonderful post Sepia! Its so true! Once the relationship status changes in any way, there are so many comments and questions and its really not an issue that deserves comment unless its an engagement or marriage!

  8. Shamori Hunt says:

    When you said “as long as I’m not married, I’m single” it brought on a flashback. It is a comment that is so true that few people realize! My mom woke me up to this fact years ago. I was so distraught about a boyfriend that cheated on me, but she shocked me at the time when she said………”he is single, he’s not committed to you. Yall are not married. And you are single too.” It shocked me but it was too true.

  9. Well Sepia, I really don’t see any harm in putting it on Facebook. I understand the points that were made clearly. However, I’m not putting “in a relationship ” on Facebook because I want Facebook to comment. I just don’t feel that there is nothing wrong with it. People don’t comment when you’re single, they comment when you change your status. If they do ask simple questions like “who’s the lucky Guy?”..etc then you can inbox them or not tell them @ all. Everything is @ your discretion. That way, the entire Facebook world wouldn’t know your business.

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