…But Not At Church

Girl goes to church. Boy sees Girl. Boy likes Girl.  Boy and Girl exchange information. Boy and Girl get to know one another. Friendship grows. Boy and Girl decide to form a deeper relationship… But not at church.

During a lesson focusing on maintaining a strong family, a distracted Sepia couldn’t help but notice a young, unmarried couple seated next to one another during Bible Study.  Their hands were intertwined and they’d look at one another longingly every five seconds. If they were any closer, they would’ve been nose to nose.

Seriously?

In Bible Study?

There’s a time and place for everything. Bible Study, worship service, congregational programs, etc, are all for the edification of God’s people and His name, so why the PDA? I was told if you have the gift of celibacy, you don’t even have to hold hands. Sounds extreme but what’s the use of you touching? In service, nonetheless? (Not that we singles should touch outside of church – too deep to even explain.)

Rumplestilskin and I made the decision at the beginning of our relationship that we would not broadcast it until it grew to a more serious extent (maybe engagement?). I’ve previously stated that the people who are important in our lives know about us.

 However, what is to be gained by knowing who I’m in a relationship with at church?

Just so you know, yes, I met Rumplestilskin LaVerde at my home congregation. Our relationship flourished outside the walls of the church building and that’s where it will stay. Sitting next to him, arriving with him or being seen leaving with him are all out of the question for now. We acknowledge one another because at the end of the day our relationship as brother- and sister- in-Christ is what’s most important.

Why the secrecy, Sepia?

The last few relationships I had were what I’d like to call “church relationships”. They started and ended at my congregation. We were on full display. Every other Sunday I would be asked the dreaded and overrun “when will wedding bells ring for you?” question. Once the relationships were over they moved on to someone else to ask about.

I was tired of the church-a-razzi. I wanted to be known as [Sepia], the Christian woman. So far, so good.

Some people are naturally nosey. They want to know who you’re seeing and how long it’s been going on. Knowing my personal business WILL NOT help you grow as a Christian or as a person, so I’ll keep that to myself.

If someone sees us out and about then there’s no denying it. It’s not a huge secret. I’m just not putting up a billboard announcing my relationship. It all comes down to our respect for God. Why are we gathering together? What’s the purpose of Sundays? Like, for real, put things into perspective. I’m not there to prove I’m over the last one by showing up with the current one. I’m there to thank God for all He’s done for me and to get a message I can share with others.

If I’m seen with a man, it is assumed that we’re in a relationship. To combat the unnecessary questions I come alone.  Sure, I get questions about whether I’m “okay” or not (since if you’re single and not on the road to marriage by 30, you’re NOT okay. * eye roll * )

But what about other singles, Sepia?

What about them? Sure, there are single brothers who see me and may have an interest. As a young woman in a relationship, I am honest enough to say, “I’m seeing someone right now.” Rumple has enough respect for me to do the same if some single sister approaches him in the same light.

It all comes down to this: my relationship comes after sother aspects my life. It’s an added bonus. It’s not something I want to parade around in front of the masses.  If I only had this logic a few years ago I would’ve endured less hurt.

Moving forward, I understand the importance of discretion. The less people know, the less they need to know.

For the record, we’re not ashamed of one another. We just want to keep some things to ourselves.

Is that asking too much?

Thoughts?

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4 thoughts on “…But Not At Church

  1. Discretion is fine!! The less people know the better because if you and he decided to remain friends and not pursue the relationship anymore then those who you’ve told would want to know the details and then people start speculating. The way you are going about it is good. Now if somewhere down the line, He pops the BIG question then yes, you will have people wondering when did you ever have a BF because you always paraded alone, but who cares?! Right?! Thos closest to you know and thats all that matters. Now, the affection in church thing… I agree, if you are in church then pay attention to the Word. After church, then you can do what newly weds do. Its common , however, to be in an infatuation stage as a newly wed and totally consumed with who you’ved just married. But using wisdom, there is a time a place for everything and you don’t want to be a distraction for those who came to hear God’s Word. Do I hear NewlyWed Ettiquette Training 101? : )

  2. 2blu2btru says:

    Hmm…I can’t really say much on this approach. My experience has been the other way. In real life, as on my blog, it’s no secret that Mr. Perfect & I are a couple. Since I’m the one who he came to church with the first time (he moved from another state and came to church with me when he visited) and we used to carpool to church (since we lived five minutes from each other and thirty from church–saves on gas), it was never really a secret. I got the dreaded question so much to the point I wanted to tell people it was none of their business (I hear he got it even worse), but there have been enough recent marriages and things to cool them off (not to mention that sermon in which the minister spoke about dating as being sinful, people not being able to date for a long time without fornicating, and we need to stop this dating nonsense O-O). At some point, I’m sure they will get back around to me. 🙂

    I won’t write a book here on my dating philosophy, but I’ll do a post about it some day. Since this is my first “real” relationship, I’m more or less playing it by ear. No one else was ever serious enough to meet family, friends, etc., or even to really talk about or call a boyfriend. It’s always interesting to me to see how other people conduct their relationships, though.

  3. Hope Amber says:

    I think everyone is different, and in your case, I can see why this works for you. There is nothing wrong with wanting to keep your relationship between you him and God. Everyone doesn’t have to know your business, because as you said, there are definitely nosy people out there that try to put themselves in your relationship. But, I think for some people who are deeply in love, they just can’t help themselves by showing their passion for each other in public. Bottom line; do what’s best for you and your partner. Don’t let other people make you question your preferences when it comes to keeping your relationships private or public.

  4. Christie says:

    My friend and her now husband did the exact same thing. She didn’t even tell us until they had been together for about 4 months. They came to church separately & sat separately until they were serious and let people know they were together. After that they started coming to church together and sitting together. I ain’t mad not one bit.

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