Girl goes to church. Boy sees Girl. Boy likes Girl. Boy and Girl exchange information. Boy and Girl get to know one another. Friendship grows. Boy and Girl decide to form a deeper relationship… But not at church.
During a lesson focusing on maintaining a strong family, a distracted Sepia couldn’t help but notice a young, unmarried couple seated next to one another during Bible Study. Their hands were intertwined and they’d look at one another longingly every five seconds. If they were any closer, they would’ve been nose to nose.
In Bible Study?
There’s a time and place for everything. Bible Study, worship service, congregational programs, etc, are all for the edification of God’s people and His name, so why the PDA? I was told if you have the gift of celibacy, you don’t even have to hold hands. Sounds extreme but what’s the use of you touching? In service, nonetheless? (Not that we singles should touch outside of church – too deep to even explain.)
Rumplestilskin and I made the decision at the beginning of our relationship that we would not broadcast it until it grew to a more serious extent (maybe engagement?). I’ve previously stated that the people who are important in our lives know about us.
However, what is to be gained by knowing who I’m in a relationship with at church?
Just so you know, yes, I met Rumplestilskin LaVerde at my home congregation. Our relationship flourished outside the walls of the church building and that’s where it will stay. Sitting next to him, arriving with him or being seen leaving with him are all out of the question for now. We acknowledge one another because at the end of the day our relationship as brother- and sister- in-Christ is what’s most important.
Why the secrecy, Sepia?
The last few relationships I had were what I’d like to call “church relationships”. They started and ended at my congregation. We were on full display. Every other Sunday I would be asked the dreaded and overrun “when will wedding bells ring for you?” question. Once the relationships were over they moved on to someone else to ask about.
I was tired of the church-a-razzi. I wanted to be known as [Sepia], the Christian woman. So far, so good.
Some people are naturally nosey. They want to know who you’re seeing and how long it’s been going on. Knowing my personal business WILL NOT help you grow as a Christian or as a person, so I’ll keep that to myself.
If someone sees us out and about then there’s no denying it. It’s not a huge secret. I’m just not putting up a billboard announcing my relationship. It all comes down to our respect for God. Why are we gathering together? What’s the purpose of Sundays? Like, for real, put things into perspective. I’m not there to prove I’m over the last one by showing up with the current one. I’m there to thank God for all He’s done for me and to get a message I can share with others.
If I’m seen with a man, it is assumed that we’re in a relationship. To combat the unnecessary questions I come alone. Sure, I get questions about whether I’m “okay” or not (since if you’re single and not on the road to marriage by 30, you’re NOT okay. * eye roll * )
But what about other singles, Sepia?
What about them? Sure, there are single brothers who see me and may have an interest. As a young woman in a relationship, I am honest enough to say, “I’m seeing someone right now.” Rumple has enough respect for me to do the same if some single sister approaches him in the same light.
It all comes down to this: my relationship comes after sother aspects my life. It’s an added bonus. It’s not something I want to parade around in front of the masses. If I only had this logic a few years ago I would’ve endured less hurt.
Moving forward, I understand the importance of discretion. The less people know, the less they need to know.
For the record, we’re not ashamed of one another. We just want to keep some things to ourselves.
Is that asking too much?