/ˌʌndərəˈtʃivər/ [uhnder-uh-chee-ver]


1. a student who performs less well in school than would be expected on the basis of abilities indicated by intelligence and aptitude tests, etc.
2.a person or thing that performs below expectations

Dear God,

It’s me, Sepia. Right now, I feel like I’m missing something and I know that something is You. It seems I’ve lost track of what my true goals are and I’m writing this letter to clear a few things up, to myself. You already know what I need and You hear my wants, rants, and complaints.

When did I get here?

Who’s to blame?

I haven’t been doing You any justice lately. You’ve been extremely good to me and, well, I’ve been…. Sepia.  Existing on hints of Christianity. Underachieving. Not shining as brightly as before.  Tempted to hide my face completely, but nothing great will come of that. Instead, I’ll press on.

Thank You for always giving me another ‘nother chance.

I’m still here, up at close to 2 in the morning, because these thoughts won’t let me sleep.  Still alive and yearning to be more like You. You are perfect. I’m… well, not close.

When was the last time I really served you? When was the last time I was truly engaged in Your name? (I mean, I wrote over 1,000 words on being engaged to the work of Lord… the person behind those words seem so foreign to me right now.)

I’ve seen a side of myself that I hate and I must get rid of it.

Enough of me! More of You!

I’ve followed my flesh enough… I’ve seen an ugly reflection in the mirror and there’s nothing I can do except yield to You. This doesn’t feel good. Not as good as I thought it would.

I can’t allow me to get in the way. I won’t allow him to get in the way. And “it” has no chance of getting in the way.

I’ve checked my surroundings and I can control who I let in or not. I’m either the influence or the influenced. My power is connected to You. That’s why Your Word says I can do all things through You… Without You?  Not so much.

I’m pressing the Restart button… Emerging better, stronger, wiser.

Forgive me, Father.

Your Daughter,



One thought on “Underachiever

  1. Tori says:

    Good stuff Sepia. You are in my prayers. May God continue to watch over you and guide you. Be blessed my sister…and stay encouraged!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: