“I’m not a perfect person/There’s many things I wish I didn’t do/But I continue learning” – The Reason by Hoobastank
I don’t have to post this. I want to. I’m pretty sure there’s someone else out there like me or will be someday and this will serve as a reference for him or her of some sort.
“No, no, no. Not you. I can’t believe it.”
“I heard Chanell got married. She must be pregnant.”
“Oooooh, so that’s why she got married.”
“She’s parading around like it’s okay.” (should I mope around and hold my head down?)
My name is Chanell Nicole and I am a Christian woman. I am 30 years old. I have a Bachelor’s degree in Sociology and I’m currently working on my Master’s in Business Administration and Entrepreneurship. I am gainfully employed (Thank God!). I live a modest, happy life with my NEW husband. I love others, pray daily, and share my gifts freely. I am a writer and sporadic blogger. Did I mention I’m 30? OH, okay. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I need to go IN!
Since I announced my pregnancy I’ve gotten mixed reviews. Being that there are only a few ways to get pregnant
and my name ain’t Mary some (in a more conservative circle) have started doing the algebra. Before you start plugging in formulas and all that, let the math teacher (me) help you out: I was pregnant before I said, “I d-o, I d-o, I d-o-o-o.” Sue me. I’m not the first, and I won’t be the last. That’s a fact I’m willing to bet the house on.
Am I glorifying my decision to have sex outside of marriage? Not at all. I made a decision. There were consequences as a result of that decision. Am I asking anyone to raise my child? Negative. Will I wallow in self-pity because God chose me to carry a child? Yeah, right!
I am an example of a Christian who is also a human. In choosing to spend the rest of my life with Rumple (I’ve gotta start using his real name), I chose a family. It was MY choice. It doesn’t work for everyone and I’m okay with that. Did I sin? Yes. Did I repent? Of course. So, what’s the big deal?
I’ll answer from my vantage point. Everyone sins. Some differently than others. Your lie is no bigger than my pre-marital sex. I’m not God and I won’t judge. I also won’t uphold sin as nothing. It’s huge! I committed a few and so have you. I’m not putting the blame on anyone else. I can’t.
Being Christian ≠ sinless person. If so, I would’ve dropped out of this race years ago. It also doesn’t give me/you a pass to just do whatever. As a result of accepting Christ, He accepts you knowing that you’ll make questionable decisions. Even the most righteous still sin; in word, thought, and deed.
So, Chanell, where are you going with this?
I’m just a bit outraged because the most love I’ve gotten has been from those outside of the “saved circle”. My blog family, readers, etc. Some of the people I love most have given me reason to believe that God created other human beings so that we can understand what imperfection means. In no way am I condemning Christians. WE just need to do better in some areas.
Have I let people down? Maybe. Can I do anything about that? Not really.
Should I apologize for being human? I don’t think I can. We’re all human. Please don’t look to me for perfection because you will be let down every single time.
So, why did you get married?
Marrying my husband had little to do with me being pregnant. When I told my mom about the baby coming she said almost instantly, “You know I’m not the kind of mother that’s going to force you to get married, right?”
My BFF said, “Don’t feel forced to get married.”
Lin-Lin in NY said, “Just because you’re pregnant doesn’t necessarily mean you have to rush and get married.”
One wise friend said, “Don’t try and cover your sin with marriage. If God isn’t pleased with it, it won’t work.”
A few people asked if I would get married off the bat and I wasn’t really concerned about marriage at that point. I prayed about everything but I remembered Rumple saying, (upon finding out we were expecting) “We are getting married. I want our child to come into this world knowing he or she has two parents who are committed to loving God and one another.”
It was at that moment that I realized I wouldn’t get married because I was pregnant. It was a tough decision. I pondered it for a while and with the support of my loved ones I realized how true my now-husband’s words rang.
My pregnancy didn’t cause me to want to run to the altar because I was afraid that if that was the only reason I chose to become a wife, God might have taken my child away. I got married because I knew that I would spend the rest of my life with him. I got married because I deserve a man who respects me and adores me no matter the day or the hour. I got married because I wanted more than love, I wanted forever.
I am overjoyed that God chose me to be a mommy. Every woman doesn’t get that chance. It pains me just a bit to know that people may look down upon me. But I’m a human being. Again, I don’t glorify the decision to have sex outside of marriage. And I’m not sure why people assume that being pregnant equates constant sex (because it only takes ONE TIME).
So, for the young woman out there feeling ashamed, don’t. Your situation may not be ideal but God forgives and your child will be the greatest blessing; just you watch.
Never have I felt so connected to the women who chose to go into motherhood alone. While I don’t share identical circumstances, I understand the feeling. To you I say, hold your head up and keep moving. Sharpen your purpose and know that you have something, someone greater to live for. You have a legacy to build. You are about to take on one of the most important roles of your life!
To the people looking down upon us: I’m not a bitter woman. I’m not an angry, hormonal, pregnant lady. I’m a person with a heart. Judge all you want, this is my journey. You’ll have to take those negative thoughts up with God.
But what if I did get married because I was pregnant?
Is that such a bad thing that a man would be willing to step up to the plate and take care of his responsibilities? Do you know how many children wish they had a father who stayed around? (In studying the 2010 Census data for a recent project I found that over 60% of all households were headed by a single woman. Even higher for African-American households.)
Sometimes you can’t win.
So, Chanell, what’s the solution?
Keep moving. Keep going. Keep pushing. Do it so fabulously that those who look down on you will only feel remorseful for harboring ill will towards you. Remember, even when you feel alone, you still have God to call upon. He will send you all that you need and will weed out those things, people, and circumstances that serve you no good.
I’m thankful that God allowed me to experience this form of adversity. In the midst of being a disappointment to some, I have become a source of strength to myself. I am humbled and I truly know what it feels like to be a human being. God gave me a reason to start over new.
And the reason is you! ( I ♥ BK)
Thanks for reading. Share your thoughts.