The Reason #NoFilter Friday

“I’m not a perfect person/There’s many things I wish I didn’t do/But I continue learning”  – The Reason by Hoobastank

I don’t have to post this. I want to. I’m pretty sure there’s someone else out there like me or will be someday and this will serve as a reference for him or her of some sort.

“No, no, no. Not you. I can’t believe it.”

“I heard Chanell got married. She must be pregnant.”

“Oooooh, so that’s why she got married.”

“She’s parading around like it’s okay.” (should I mope around and hold my head down?)

IPhone photos by Rumplestiltskin (6 weeks ago)

My name is Chanell Nicole and I am a Christian woman. I am 30 years old. I have a Bachelor’s degree in Sociology and I’m currently working on my Master’s in Business Administration and Entrepreneurship. I am gainfully employed (Thank God!). I live a modest, happy life with my NEW husband. I love others, pray daily, and  share my gifts freely. I am a writer and sporadic blogger. Did I mention I’m 30? OH, okay. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I need to go IN!

Since I announced my pregnancy I’ve gotten mixed reviews. Being that there are only a few ways to get pregnant and my name ain’t Mary some (in a more conservative circle) have started doing the algebra. Before you start plugging in formulas and all that, let the math teacher (me) help you out: I was pregnant before I said, “I d-o, I d-o, I d-o-o-o.” Sue me. I’m not the first, and I won’t be the last. That’s a fact I’m willing to bet the house on.

Am I glorifying my decision to have sex outside of marriage? Not at all. I made a decision. There were consequences as a result of that decision. Am I asking anyone to raise my child? Negative. Will I wallow in self-pity because God chose me to carry a child? Yeah, right!

I am an example of a Christian who is also a human. In choosing to spend the rest of my life with Rumple (I’ve gotta start using his real name), I chose a family. It was MY choice. It doesn’t work for everyone and I’m okay with that. Did I sin? Yes. Did I repent? Of course. So, what’s the big deal?

I’ll answer from my vantage point. Everyone sins. Some differently than others. Your lie is no bigger than my pre-marital sex. I’m not God and I won’t judge. I also won’t uphold sin as nothing. It’s huge! I committed a few and so have you.  I’m not putting the blame on anyone else. I can’t.

Being Christian ≠ sinless person.  If so, I would’ve dropped out of this race years ago. It also doesn’t give me/you a pass to just do whatever. As a result of accepting Christ, He accepts you knowing that you’ll make questionable decisions. Even the most righteous still sin; in word, thought, and deed.

So, Chanell, where are you going with this?

I’m just a bit outraged because the most love I’ve gotten has been from those outside of the “saved circle”. My blog family, readers, etc. Some of the people I love most have given me reason to believe that God created other human beings so that we can understand what imperfection means. In no way am I condemning Christians. WE  just need to do better in some areas.

Have I let people down? Maybe. Can I do anything about that? Not really.

Should I apologize for being human? I don’t think I can. We’re all human. Please don’t look to me for perfection because you will be let down every single time.

***

So, why did you get married?

Marrying my husband had little to do with me being pregnant. When I told my mom about the baby coming she said almost instantly, “You know I’m not the kind of mother that’s going to force you to get married, right?”

My BFF said, “Don’t feel forced to get married.”

Lin-Lin in NY said, “Just because you’re pregnant doesn’t necessarily mean you have to rush and get married.”

One wise friend said, “Don’t try and cover your sin with marriage. If God isn’t pleased with it, it won’t work.”

A few people asked if I would get married off the bat and I wasn’t really concerned about marriage at that point. I prayed about everything but I remembered Rumple saying, (upon finding out we were expecting) “We are getting married. I want our child to come into this world knowing he or she has two parents who are committed to loving God and one another.”

It was at that moment that I realized I wouldn’t get married because I was pregnant. It was a tough decision. I pondered it for a while and with the support of my loved ones I realized how true my now-husband’s words rang.

My pregnancy didn’t cause me to want to run to the altar because I was afraid that if that was the only reason I chose to become a wife, God might have taken my child away. I got married because I knew that I would spend the rest of my life with him. I got married because I deserve a man who respects me and adores me no matter the day or the hour. I got married because I wanted more than love, I wanted forever.

My crazy love.

I am overjoyed that God chose me to be a mommy. Every woman doesn’t get that chance. It pains me just a bit to know that people may look down upon me.  But I’m a human being. Again, I don’t glorify the decision to have sex outside of marriage. And I’m not sure why people assume that being pregnant equates constant sex (because it only takes ONE TIME).

So, for the young woman out there feeling ashamed, don’t. Your situation may not be ideal but God forgives and your child will be the greatest blessing; just you watch.

Never have I felt so connected to the women who chose to go into motherhood alone. While I don’t share identical circumstances, I understand the feeling. To you I say, hold your head up and keep moving. Sharpen your purpose and know that you have something, someone greater to live for. You have a legacy to build. You are about to take on one of the most important roles of your life!

To the people looking down upon us: I’m not a bitter woman. I’m not an angry, hormonal, pregnant lady. I’m a person with a heart. Judge all you want, this is my journey. You’ll have to take those negative thoughts up with God.

***

But what if I did get married because I was pregnant?

Is that such a bad thing that a man would be willing to step up to the plate and take care of his responsibilities? Do you know how many children wish they had a father who stayed around? (In studying the 2010 Census data for a recent project I found that over 60% of all households were headed by a single woman. Even higher for African-American households.)

Sometimes you can’t win.

So, Chanell, what’s the solution?

Keep moving. Keep going. Keep pushing. Do it so fabulously that those who look down on you will only feel remorseful for harboring ill will towards you. Remember, even when you feel alone, you still have God to call upon. He will send you all that you need and will weed out those things, people, and circumstances that serve you no good.

I’m thankful that God allowed me to experience this form of adversity. In the midst of being a disappointment to some, I have become a  source of strength to myself. I am humbled and I truly know what it feels like to be a human being. God gave me a reason to start over new.

And the reason is you! ( I ♥ BK)

The infamous bathroom shot. 2 weeks ago at the Dr.’s office.

Thanks for reading. Share your thoughts.

Chanell Nicole ♥

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

21 thoughts on “The Reason #NoFilter Friday

  1. Christie says:

    As one of your blog readers and a Christian (although I prefer disciple). We need more disciples like you that are honest and open and not judgemental. Life happens and I wish you, Rumple and baby all the best.

  2. Phreedom says:

    This was a very necessary blog. Although I am not going through the same situation I know others who have and it is not easy. Again, Chanell congrats on finding love and enjoy your journey to motherhood.

  3. Aundra says:

    You and BK are way too cute!! How could anyone feel as though YOU let them down? Last time I checked, we lived our lives for ourselves. As you clearly stated, you’re 30. THIRTY!!!!! Well beyond grown enough to make your own decisions without having to consult with anyone else but GOD. Girl please! This is an exciting time in your life…those who really love you should share in that excitement WITHOUT judging and you owe no explanation to anyone for what you choose to do with YOUR life. You’ve been blessed with things most people only experience in their dreams…people should respect what GOD has done. You’re going to be amazing as I’ve stated before! Congratulations again!

  4. lindsberry says:

    Beautiful! And so true. I think oftentimes people feel like sins aren’t real if you can’t “see” them. So the person who is a glutton and lives a life of excess and is a size 2 gets doesn’t get the censure the 250lb person with the exact same lifestyle does. Both are equal. The same goes for sex outside of marriage. So many people do it and then they judge harshly someone who becomes pregnant. They forget the point, that God brings new life into the world and its a blessing. People need to stop focusing on a sin that they see and worry about all of their own hidden actions (of which there are many I’m sure). Everyone sins, practically every week of every month of every year. Like Jesus who chose his friends based on their desires to please him and not their circumstances, I hope we can all strive to be like Him and choose love. 🙂

  5. Shade says:

    I knew you were pregnant(from instagram) but didn’t know you were married so a big congratulations on the marriage. It’s crazy how people forget that a sin is a sin is a sin is a sin. Don’t judge others because they didn’t sin like you. People need to realize that just cause you don’t get caught (get pregnant), doesn’t mean they are not sinning. The sin is in the act(sex) not the result(pregnancy).

  6. Hi Chanell, this is a great post and makes so many wonderful points. I’m glad that you’re happy and living your life the way you want! Everyone should do the same, rather than be fearful of what other people will think. I know others out there may be facing similar judgments, and I’m sure if they read this, it will help them feel less alone. IMHO, it’s your life to live and no one should stick their nose in. Does anyone who may be judging your situation harshly put food on your table, money in your bank account, or clothes on your back? If not, they can shove their judgements you-know-where. People need to stop worrying about what others are doing as long as it doesn’t hurt someone else! Personally, I don’t think pre-marital sex is a sin, because I can’t see lumping that in the same category as first degree murder… You’re not hurting anyone by having a child or getting married, no matter in what order any of it happened. The ‘worst’ thing that has come out of it is that you’re happy… And isn’t that what we all strive for in our lifetime? We should all be so lucky. I can assume that you’re a religious person and have a lot of faith in God.. so let God be your judge and every other human being can mind their own business. Sorry for this rant lol

  7. krystle says:

    Amazing and well stated… I love it and hope the right person read it.. A lot of people in the world like to throw stones but actually should stand in front of the wall so the stones thrown can bounce back at them… Enjoy every moment and don’t let anyone take your experiences and joys of being a mother away.. These months will go by fast and you don’t want to miss one moment of it , especially for non-sense of others. God Bless you and your family.

  8. K.Dabney says:

    This is incredibly beautiful. I can feel the pull of God; as I know you’ve helped that wounded woman heal! I think sometimes as the peopleof God WE (corporate solidarity) tend to forget that God loathes sin-period- but loves the sinner (person)… the problem is we mesh the 2 together.. when it shouldn’t be!…What separates the believer from the carnal realm is this: God’s grace & mercy via repentance. Once you’ve repented then you are forgiven and are restored in him. They are allowing what they see (a tummy) to control what they know (God’s love and restoration power, and your relationship with him)… So why would some act as if this fall has completely disqualified the Christian woman? Simple: They are Judgmental…Show me a judgmental people and I’ll show you a people who don’t fully believe & understand the word of God… *Sad*…. thanks for sharing! Many blessings to you!

    🙂

  9. Latoya Daniels says:

    WOW!!!! I am actually surprised to read that you have been looked at in a negative way. All things happen for a reason. GOD makes no mistakes. Your child and your marriage is a blessing. It doesn’t matter which one came first. I am so happy that you are not allowing anyone to steal your joy….. WOW!!! some people are so quick to judge…… that’s a SIN right there…. so that makes them NO BETTER!!!! CONGRATS on you nuptials and your beautiful blessing that is growing inside of you.

  10. Lakeesha Nicole says:

    Bravo… check my FB post!

  11. Rae Jones says:

    With every post my love for you grows and grows because I get to read the words from your heart and admiring from a distance the awesome work that our Lord and Savior has done in your life. It’s amazing. iSmile. You will be an awesome mother. No doubt. As I’ve stated on IG… Congrats 3x on the new gig, nuptials and new baby. I’m praying for God’s hand to continue to cover every aspect of your life. Grow in peace.

    Your sister and friend in Christ,
    Always. Radiant. Everyday

  12. Ada says:

    Hey chica…this is a much needed blog right here. It’s funny that you chose today to post this because just this morning some random thought passed through my mind about what I would do if I became pregnant right now. (I said it was random) The answer to my thought was you would just have that child and love it. I’m too grown for excuses and I know where sex can lead. I have a job, a home, a supportive network and did I mention I’m grown. As the light was changing I said life happens and you deal with it. I wish you many congratulations on your new bundle of joy and new role as a wife. Love you!

  13. demetriusmcclain says:

    This is just a friendly reminder and I speak from experience. I thank GOD for my mother who taught me to never allow what anyone think of me to influence any decision I make. She said if they aren’t putting a roof over your head, clothes on your back or food in your mouth then it doesn’t really matter what they think. I took that as to say that the only being you should be concerned with what you do is GOD. There are those of us (Christians) who may be critical of the decisions we make but I know that there are also those who know what you are experiencing and empathize with you. You just have to celebrate those who support you even when you have fallen short, knowing that all have sinned and come short of the glory of GOD. Some Christians show acts of kindness while others offer ridicule. Ignore the ridicule and thank those who have offered you gifts of love.

    signed

    The Christian who strength comes from GOD and not man.

  14. martin says:

    this is an awesome testimony and powerful, I hope woman and man not only read this but examine themselves and not be so hard on themselves for thier sin but learn from it. But change from it. Most condemn sexually sin like its the worst , sin is sin…You are blessed and congrats to you and your new husband and baby

  15. Algima says:

    This is a very inspirational and thought provoking blog. Although I have not experienced what you have, there are many other girls and women who have. I will definitely forward this blog to the people I know. If I was encouraged by this, you will definitely be a source of encouragement to them…I’m sure of it. We all make choices in life that aren’t up to par, but in the end, God can still be glorified and you’re doing just that. I’m proud of you. Continue to keep God first in all things.

  16. algima1 says:

    This is a very inspirational and thought provoking blog. Although I have not experienced what you have, there are a plethora of other girls and women who have. I was encouraged greatly. I will be sure to recommend this blog to the people I know and I’m sure you’ll be a source of encouragement to them as well. All of us have made decisions that weren’t up to par with God’s standards, but the good thing about that is that God can still be glorified in the midst of it all and you’re doing just that. I’m proud of you. Continue to keep God first in all things.

  17. Ashley says:

    I love this!!!!!!! I love your attitude and spirit. You continue to enjoy the beautiful life that God has given you and your family. I’m so happy for you and I want I hope Im invited to the baby shower 🙂

    With love,
    Ashley
    Asassywoman.com

  18. Shawntay says:

    Great! Great! Great! U know I know…been there and done that. Feels like I’m going through one of those Christian judging times myself. Not judging but being judged. As long as I have been in the church I never thought I would see myself in the place that I am today (spritually). My church was (hopefully that will change) my everything but that has truely changed. My whole outlook on “church folk” has changed. I commend you for speaking out and keeping it real. God bless you and your union and Diva Brooklyn 🙂 Love ya

  19. Lindsey says:

    You are inspirational…this is my favorite thus far. Surely there’s more to come. May God continue to bless you & your family. Truth is so powerful! 👏😊

  20. Christina says:

    Amen! I go to a Christian college and a few woman were pregnant and not married and it was crazy to see how judgment/pointingthefinger people were. I just wish they could have read this.

  21. Merline J. Surprise says:

    Congratulation Chanell! I can totally relate, I heard so many rumors after I got married that I just had to ignore the foolishness. People have a way of forgetting where they come from and the next time you hear some negative comments just remember “they hated on Jesus” I hope that bring you comfort. Congratulation and enjoy life in love!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: