Sometimes I forget to live for today. I know there is not much I can do about what happens today, much less tomorrow. I’m working on it. Slowly, but surely, I’ll learn how to just enjoy right now.
When you can’t see what’s coming up, it’s easy to get frustrated. Sometimes I wish I could see a little closer into the future but it’s all part of my journey. I find comfort only when I realize that God knows my beginning and end. He knows the middle journey, the now, too.
Right now, my “now” is less than perfect. I am grateful for all the imperfections that have shaped my now moment. Though sometimes I wish they would hurry up and improve, they are moving me in a direction where I must trust in God with everything. Even when things look bleak, He has provided for me and my family. Sometimes I sit in awe of what He does and how He continuously finds me worthy of even the little blessings.
Today, I found an article titled “Remember Where You Came From And Who Was With You Through It All” on the site, Black And Married With Kids. This article spoke to my heart because where this couple came from is where my husband and I are now. We’re not rich, we don’t have much, but we’re still happy. On Sunday, while he wasn’t feeling so well and we were adding up our expenses, he looked at me and said, “We don’t have a lot of money or a lot of things but we do have one another and that’s priceless.”
Thinking back to that conversation erases all frustration of my now moment. It makes me ashamed that I felt any resentment towards him or myself for not being able to pay for something I wanted (not needed). Marriage has been an adjustment of sorts. Instead of just going shopping or taking myself out to lunch, I must first consider if my family needs something more. While the baby is not here yet, she is at the forefront of my mind. I’m learning to be unselfish and go without. It’s coming naturally and that’s eye-opening. God is molding me to become who I need to be for my family and for that I’m thankful.
This is not to say that I won’t ever be frustrated again, but at least I’m growing. The article taught me that I have much to be thankful for because it could be worse. Dr. Michelle Johnson writes :
There was a time when my husband and I ate off of the dollar menu at McDonald’s. And when we slept on a mattress on the floor. When we opted for rabbit ears instead of cable to save money for gas. When we used popsicles to cool off in the summer heat because we couldn’t afford an air conditioner. We worked jobs we were over qualified for and drove cars that required too much maintenance. When we were finally able to buy a home, we spent years with empty rooms because furniture was just too expensive. Yet, we found joy in rolling around on the floor together and marveling at our new space. Although we were broke, we were still blessed.
Blessed to have each other.
Blessed to be healthy.
Blessed to have jobs.
Blessed to be in love.
Putting what’s important into perspective helps to realize that things or people or expectations don’t matter. What matters is that we have one another and that can’t be bought or replicated.
So, while my now moment isn’t perfect, it’s what I need in order to get to where God wants me to be. I strive to do a better job of living in the now and working towards what’s next.
Remember, your layover is not your final destination.