Motherhood for Me. By Aline

** Here’s a guest post by a reader, Aline.In Motherhood for Me,  she shares her journey to motherhood and loss. She reached out to me to a couple weeks ago to post her Mommy Story. I was a little adamant about posting a story so close to my due date,  but after reading her submission, I just had to. **

1st Trimester:

It was the first time ever in my life that my period was late. It took four e.p.t. tests before I could accept the truth of being pregnant. I scheduled an appointment to see my doctor for confirmation and in mid June 2012, I was six weeks pregnant and fresh out of celebrating my honeymoon.  My brand spanking new husband did not believe me until the doctor confirmed it. We were both in shock but also happy, but also still very shock being that we were very new newlyweds. Between 8-13weeks I experienced morning sickness at night. Every night around 8-9pm I would get light headed or dizziness and nausea. It was a crazy experience but I was happy that I only experienced it at night and that I could easily go about my “day life”. I considered myself fortunate to have a smooth pregnancy, maintain a fulltime schedule at school and work, as well as to be able to keep my husband happy.  I was on an ultimate high, truly feeling blessed beyond measure. It was an awesome feeling to be in my mid- twenties, married, employed, furthering my education and now expanding my new family. But most exhilarating was maintaining my faith throughout all my experiences and not allowing anything to come in between me and my true love………

I REALLY LOVE THE LORD, I REALLY LOVE THE LORD

YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT HE’S DONE FOR ME

HE GAVE ME THE VICTORY

I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM

I REALLY LOVE THE LORD…….

My most favorite song to sing during trying moments which helps remind me of all that God has done for me and all that He continues to do for me. I remember having the first ultrasound to confirm my pregnancy and how far along I was, but upon my second prenatal visit my doctor requested for me to have another ultrasound to verify if I was having twins because my belly was abnormally big for the first trimester. I was extremely thrilled in hopes of having twins which would be such a treat. Well it was a horrible trick because I was told that I had a fibroid growing at the same rate as my baby. I began to sing my most favorite for relief of the fear I felt. At first I thought the technician said hemorrhoids; I honestly don’t ever recall hearing about fibroids. I could hardly wait for the next appointment to discuss the discovery with the doctor. My doctor assured me about the safety of my baby because the fibroid was not growing in the way of the baby, so the only threat was to my comfort as fibroids can cause a lot of pressure and pain.  There were no plans set for removal of the fibroid during my pregnancy because it would be dangerous for the baby’s life.

 

2nd Trimester:

My night-sickness was finally over and I eagerly awaited that first “Hey mommy, I’m really here” signal of a kick. I finally began to feel my baby kick around 19weeks (that precious moment of the first feeling of a little blessing growing inside of you).  Irreplaceable!   Sep 11, 2012 I found out I was having   A GIRL!  I was so happy and shocked I so thought it would be a boy, I was so happy for my husband who really wanted a girl, I had no preference just over joyed either way. That night I sent a mass text out to our family & friends with a picture of the ultrasound of our baby presenting her gender, I was so excited about our daughter Madison. At the end of that week I had a lot of pressure pain due to the size of my belly which looked like I was either carrying twins or 8-9months pregnant at only 5 months.  That was an awful experience for me; people would constantly ask if I was having twins. That horrible fibroid was truly beginning to bother me. Because it existed I had multiple ultrasounds.  At all ultrasounds my baby was deemed safe & healthy.  Sep. 28, 2012 I started to get this sharp pain on my left side which lasted for 4hours.  I endured the pain as much as I could that morning. By that afternoon I spoke to my little brother whom took a Human Reproductive System course for fun and warned me that I maybe having Braxton Hicks contractions. I ignored him because it didn’t seem like that’s what it was although I’ve never been pregnant before so how would I know the difference.  I should have listened to him and take it easy instead of spending  the next 4-5hours shopping for clothes for the baby for the 1st time with my mom-in-law and  grandma-in- law, whom were both also super excited about little Madison.  The following day was Sunday Sep. 30, 2012 I woke up with the same pain and discomfort, I ignored it and got ready for church. I probably should have stayed home like my mom advised me to. But the pain went away for a while but returned a few hours after and my family demanded that I go to the maternity ER to be checked. The baby was okay and I was just dehydrated, well that’s all they could find wrong at least.  The midwife was able to teach me a little about fibroids, as she warned me that fibroid degeneration was likely the cause of my pain. Fibroid degeneration (short definition) is when the fibroid begins to lose viability and it decreases in size, a process which is very painful as it is a mass of live tissue cells dying inside of your body.  An ultrasound was done and the fibroid did shrink substantially. The midwife also advised me to come in as often as needed to be placed on IV to prevent dehydration and to be given medication to control the pain.

When we first learned about the fibroid I was told by my OB that I would be seeing a new doctor whom specialized in high risk pregnancies. Oct. 3, 2012 I was appointed to see my new OB for better monitoring due to the fibroid and the possibility of pre-term labor because the fibroid continued to degenerate which could harm the baby during the process. My former OB said the plan was to make it to 25weeks then to have the baby removed because she would have a better survival rate especially with this reputable hospital that specialized in premature babies surviving after 25 weeks. With this plan in mind our goal was to beat the fibroid by scheduling a planned delivery. The appointment was far from what I expected; nothing was said to me regarding any special measures or precautions. I felt really uncomfortable with going to see a specialist who really did not seem like a specialist but some new-bee resident testing the waters out on me for a normal pregnancy not a high risk pregnancy. I did not allow that to upset or discourage me as I knew that everything resides in the hands of God.

 

After the appointment I went home with my mom because my husband had a few errands to run for the evening and she wanted to keep a close eye on me until she had to leave for work that night. My high risk appointment was during mid-morning, by that afternoon the pain all of a sudden resumed and it was worse than ever before.  Later in that day the pain would not ease up and to make matters worse I was at my mother’s house and she had just left for work, while my husband was still out running errands.  The pain became intensely unbearable; I wish I knew what contractions felt like because that is what I was experiencing. My dad showed up at some point and I remember I yelled at him “DAD THE BABY IS COMING I NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!” He for some reason did not believe me and thought I was still experiencing the same pain as before. I was never around my dad as I experienced pain throughout the pregnancy, so he would hear about what I was going through from my mom who over exaggerates every story she is told and I believe that is why my dad brushed off my request with the response of “They won’t do anything for you, it will be just like your last visit just take your medication and try to get some rest”. It angered me that he would not budge, so I called my husband a million times but the calls would go straight to voicemail of course. Well my dad finally took my request seriously but it seemed like forever for him to actually get out of the house, so I called my mother-in- law and asked her if she remembered what contractions felt like and she described exactly what I was feeling. By then I frantically requested for her to pick me up and take me to the hospital.  Next thing I knew I was in my mother-in-law’s car outside of my parents’ house, my dad, my husband and three paramedics were all surrounding the car as I begged my mother-in-law to take me away because Madison was coming and I knew we had to get to the hospital quickly to stop her or else she would not live because she was too young to survive such an early birth.

Madison arrived and departed shortly after on Oct. 3, 2012 at 22weeks and 5days old weighing 1lb and 1oz and 12inches long. There were only 3weeks left for her to be removed from my womb and placed in the NICU so I could have her still here with me today. But God knows best, because there were no unusual signs, no indications, no explanations, no detection, and no idea what so ever that she would come so soon.

Mother’s Day 2012 my beloved friend and her husband announced at church the gender of their unborn baby, two my surprise they also shared with me a request to be the God-mother of their daughter to come. It was 30 days after that I found out I was pregnant with Madison. My friend and I were both excited at the idea of raising our daughters to become best friends and sisters in heart and in Christ

Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4

Today I have a god-daughter and a daughter with God. Now you know what He has done for me, He gave me comfort through family, friends and Bright-Lee (my god-daughter). I will never forget my first born baby Madison, it still hurts my heart that she’s gone but I believe that God’s plan for us is great and will be revealed to me soon because to my disbelief I am handling her death extremely better than I could have ever imagine to handle the death of my own child. But I know it is through Christ whom strengthens me that I am as strong as I am, He gave me victory over my emotions and that is why I love Him.

I would like to urge women of child bearing age to really take care of your body; size is not equivalent to health. Many women suffer from uterine fibroids and are symptomatic while a few like me are asymptomatic. It is truly difficult to deal with any ailment and losing a baby or not being able to have a baby makes it extremely worse.  Please be more considerate of your diet and how well you manage your body. Also be encouraged to educate yourself about women’s health and follow through with those annual check-ups as recommended because you have no idea what’s going on in there and what trouble it can cause.

 

 Aline’s story, though not extremely common, is a warning to always listen to your body. Personally, I have been to the L&D department of my hospital three times during this pregnancy. Though they found no problems, I would rather be safe than sorry. Always listen to your body no matter how much you think you can handle pain or discomfort. 

 

It is my prayer that God blesses Aline and her husband with the opportunity to be parents. Her story makes me even more grateful for the blessing God has given me. 

Thanks for reading.

 

Until next time Live Well and Be Blessed.

 

Chanell Nicole ♥

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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