20 Days

So, how’s mommyhood?

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked this question in the past 20 days, I’d be a thousandaire. I’m not sure how to answer the question but usually I say something like:

“Great. It’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. Challenging, but amazing.”

That’s probably the most PC answer I could come up with.

In all honesty, I really want to say something like:

“Overwhelming. Emotional. Scary. Utterly exhausting. Uncertain. Nothing I imagined.”

That’s the most accurate answer I could come up with.

 

Day one in the hospital.

Day one in the hospital.

I’m a mother. A caretaker. Someone on this planet relies on me for comfort, food, a shoulder to cry on, and everything else she needs.  It is indeed the scariest endeavor I have ever embarked on. I do not have a textbook baby and I’m fine with that. She loves her Mommy  and her Mommy’s boobs. She makes me laugh, sigh, smile, yawn, and cry; sometimes all at once.

Day two.

Day two.

During the past 20 days, my emotions have run the gamut from elation to exasperation and I wouldn’t change that for the world. The first night I brought her home, I was overcome with a sense of failure, like I was not ready to be a mom. She could sense my uneasiness and reacted accordingly. Though this is another blog for another day, just know that we passed the test. I had to rely completely on my instincts and I did what was best for my family.

Breastmilk wasted.

Breastmilk wasted.

On the plus side, I have never felt such joy. When I get it right, comfort her or ease her cries just in time, I feel like I’ve won the lottery.  Seeing her eyes open wide in my direction makes the sleepless nights, the sore boobs, the showerless days all worth it.  I had to change my thinking and realize that she’s her own person. She is unlike any of the babies I have volunteered to watch temporarily. She is all mine and I thank God for her every single moment.  In the words of my husband, “I love her just because she is.”

Hey, do you know what you're doing?

Hey, do you know what you’re doing?

As I type these words, she’s by my side. I’m watching her chest rise and fall, listening for her breaths and coos, and I am examining her features; wondering what I did right to deserve such a blessing. Her existence makes me aware of God’s presence. He never sleeps and always watches over us. I get it now. 20 days down, a lifetime to go.

My sleepyhead baby.

My sleepyhead baby.

Thanks for reading.

Until next time live well and be blessed.

Chanell Nicole♥

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5 thoughts on “20 Days

  1. Christina says:

    Congrats on the baby! Sounds like you are an amazing mother already and she is beautiful!

  2. ReDonn says:

    She is simply BEAUTIFUL!

  3. Valerie says:

    She is absolutely cuddly and beautiful!! xx

  4. NieCat says:

    You are an AWESOME Mommy! I Am Proud of You! 🙂 I read your blog with a smile on my face the entire time! 🙂

  5. Heather says:

    I love how you summed up your feelings. So true for what a mother feels with any of their babies for the first time. Love this!

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