Wow. I can’t believe it’s the second week in February already! I can see this year is going to fly by. Any-who, what’s new with me? (Besides every single day being a different adventure?) Oh, I gave up social media for the next 40-60 days. I need a way to clear my mind and focus on what’s really important right now: my God, my husband, my child, my goals.
(Wait, is blogging considered social media? Hope not. If so, this will be my cheat of sorts.)
I have been so consumed with tending to the wants and needs of a new baby that I feel like I have lost a bit of myself. Maybe I’m changing so much that I don’t recognize Chanell. Maybe this is the new me? Either way, I feel like I need to reconnect or re-meet myself.
These days I feel selfish for being tired. I feel even more selfish for being a tad bit frustrated at times at such a little, defenseless human being. I have apologized to the baby on two occasions for wanting more sleep. She can’t fend for herself. She needs me more than I need her. Am I wrong for wanting to do more with my day? Should I not want to go back to work?
My day-to-day routine has changed from: wake up, breakfast, tv, blog, internet, get dressed, go to work; to: wake up (by way of personal alarm clock/crying), breastfeed, rock back to sleep, stuff down breakfast, try not to fall asleep while looking for clothes to wear to mother in law’s house. Every day I realize in some way that my life has changed and will never go back to what it used to be. In some ways, that’s refreshing; in other ways, it makes me feel a bit trapped (maybe trapped is the wrong word but when you have to sit on the toilet with a newborn attached to your boob, tell me you don’t feel trapped!).
Don’t get me wrong, I love being married and I love my baby girl. I may be having a “greener grass” moment. I was so great at being a single woman, that I may have taken it for granted. Either way, I’m at a new place in my life and I must embrace the change. Hug it. Go with it. Love it. Grow from it.
This is just like any other new role I have to assume. With it comes growing pains and adjustments. I’m finally realizing what patience really is. Especially since the baby refuses to take a pacifier or bottle (which is delaying my return to work). She’s on her own time (hello? she came almost 2 weeks after her due date) and I must respect that.
In respecting the process, I must remember that this time won’t be forever. I might even look back on it and laugh (will I?).
For now, I’ll continue to listen out for the cries of my demanding boss and take her orders with a smile (and maybe a few yawns).
Until next time, Live Well and Be Blessed.
Chanell Nicole ♥
P.S. – Since I’m fasting from all social media (Facebook, InstaGram, Twitter, etc) feel free to share.