I’ve had enough. I have enough. I am enough.
Lately, I’ve been waffling with the idea of being more and doing more. I feel like I need to do more but I don’t always have the time. As a new mom, who is still wrapping her mind around the fact that she REALLY has a child, I have had to prioritize a few things.
At the beginning of the summer (a whole season ago), I took on a new position; something completely outside of what I expected myself to do (nothing exciting enough to blog about). It would be the first time I was in charge of adults (I’ve taught for years and being accountable for little people is a lot easier). So, since I was the new kid on the block, I had to prove myself. Or so I thought. See, going in to the position, I was qualified and in position to perform. The work environment was pretty easygoing but a few of my co-workers are in a “see who can stay at work the latest” contest and for a while I was, too.
So, there I was, putting in longer hours than necessary as part of this imaginary contest. After work, I was cranky, tired, and I didn’t want to deal with anything (cooking, cleaning, smiling) or anyone (The Husband, The Daughter, The Dwindling Pool of Friends).
Something had to give. I realized that if I could give my all to a job, a position, something that gave me experience and fed someone else’s dream, I could definitely give more than that to my family and myself. I made a change. I made a bold move and asked for a schedule change. (Now, this may not work for everyone but I stepped out on faith) My request was granted and things have been going a lot better since then.
I still have my struggles. My internal conversation goes something like: What am I going to do with all this extra time? Now that I have a little more time to myself, how will I fill it? Will I write? Work out? Sleep? Do homework (since classes start today)? Pick up the baby early? What to do?
With my priorities in order, I must be purposeful and plan. Being a wife and mom is enough. Though I sometimes deal with mommy guilt when I take too long to pick up the baby or spend time alone or do anything that doesn’t have to do with my family; I’m getting to the point where I can incorporate Wife, Mommy and Chanell. But I’m getting there.
While I’m in the meantime, I know that this is all part of the process. Anything that I add on is just a plus. Chanell the Wife, Mommy, Student, Writer, Blogger is enough, already!