Category Archives: Random

Random Blog #2

So, I’ve been a parent for close to 8 weeks now. What a rollercoaster ride it has been. There’s so much to learn, absorb, and apply. I learn a new lesson or two or three every single day. Just last night, while preparing the family to go to evening service for the first time since having the baby, we got a little scare. The baby was inconsolable and would not eat. She just cried, squirmed, and screamed some more.

As new parents, we were puzzled. None of the tried and true techniques worked. My mother in law even tried applying her personal touch but that didn’t work either. After two hours of tears, jerks, and attempted feedings, we decided to go to the E.R.

 

Upon arrival to the E.R., I had to write down her symptoms: woke up screaming, inconsolable, puts hand to mouth, turning head side to side, won’t take breast, temperature. My mother in law had thought she may have had an ear infection and to be sure, we wanted to let the professionals have the final say.

The Patient Care Assistant called us in and began taking her vitals. Daddy had left her pacifier (yay, she’s taking a pacifier now!) in the car, so she began screaming. “Would you like a pacifier for her?” the PCA asked.

“Sure, but that wasn’t working for us earlier,” I replied.

In an instant, Baby BK calmed down.

Her temperature  and blood pressure were fine but we still had to take her to a room to be examined by the doctor. The nurse dressed her in the cutest little hospital gown and  picked her up. Baby BK began cooing and laughing upon examination. “There’s nothing wrong here. She’s just growing,” the nurse said. “But I’m not the doctor so stay  put, he’ll examine her further.

She left and Baby BK laughed and wiggled while we waited for the doctor to arrive.

“I think she just wanted to take a trip to this hospital,” I joked with The Husband.

In the end, we were given a prognosis of Classic First Time Parents. There was nothing wrong with the baby. She just wanted to be in a new environment, I suppose. My motherly instincts were in overdrive and I would rather be safe than sorry.

In hindsight, it was kinda funny; but seeing your baby suffer to no end is the worst feeling. I am so grateful nothing was wrong but I’m sure she enjoyed her first trip to the E.R.

 

Until next time, Be Blessed and Live Well.

 

Chanell Nicole♥

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Never Too Busy – Day 7

Day 7 –  Take one thing off your “to do” list that you’ve been avoiding

 

I stopped making “to do” lists ages ago. I still write lists of things to accomplish every now and again, but never daily, weekly, monthly (you get it), so you can imagine how much I’ve been avoiding.

 

One of the things on my mental “I need to start doing this again” list is attending Young Adult Ministry Bible Study. I’m sure I sound like some religious freak, but this is something that was once second nature for me. I can admit that I have indeed slipped a bit on regularly attending congregational events.  My excuses were that I was (of course) too busy, too tired, too uninspired, to “Sepia” to go.

I notice a difference when I spend time with my spiritual family. I miss them. I can easily fix this and reconnect with the fam.

 

So, tonight, after I’m done stealing wi-fi chilling at Starbucks, I’ll hop in Rumple’s ride (he’s out  of town for the weekend) and enjoy fellowship with the saints aged 18 – 35.

 

And just for the sake of making a list, here are other things I plan to accomplish this weekend. It’s supposed to be rainy this weekend, so I should be able to tackle a few of them…

Write five chapters of Tawny

 

Write the opening scene to The Chelsea Book (main project)

 

Clean up (again)

 

Prepare my closet for fall.

 

Cleanse and moisturize my hair.

 

Call/talk to /sing to my father for over thirty minutes.

 

Read the final two chapters of The Four Agreements.

 

Write down my feelings.

 

Exercise.

 

Eat sushi.

 

Get a pedicure.

 

Pray about my job “issue”.

 

Continue to plan The Sepia Project (including contacting interested parties).

 

Be thankful (yes, I need a reminder to do this because I’m human and I forget how blessed I am at times).

 

Watch a funny (to me) movie.

 

Do laundry.

 

Hope you all get something done today.

 

Sepia ♥

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Springy

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Hello all!!!

Hope you wonderful folks have been absolutely fabulous…

Life has pleasantly surprised me…

I’m on Spring Break being revived and inspired…

I’m in Atlanta until Sunday night. Enjoying time with the Dad and sisters.
Simple spring relaxation…

What’s new with you?

Love and Blessings,
Sepia

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Pretty Enough?

While walking errands on my lunch break yesterday, I passed a beauty supply store and saw this:

Does "clear" mean closer to white?

 

I almost walked by, but something in me was disgusted enough to stop and snap a photo.

This product is boasting  an increase of beauty.

Is the woman not pretty enough because her skin is darker?

Sure, we’ve had this conversation time and time again. Some of our people have been conditioned to think that lighter is right or anything close to white is better than being dark.

I’m tired of it all. My black people are beautiful regardless of skintone; whether  high yellow or eggplant.

 

Let us love ourselves.

Discuss

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a little sepia

Happy Monday!

My weekend was kinda sorta amazing!

Friday, post-work, I went home, relaxed, spazzed out , got over it and went to Young Adult Ministry  for our monthly First Fridays devotion. Not sure what the message was, because I was tardy for the party (see spaz moment) but I had a chance to bless others with chicken and waffles. That was actually the first meal I cooked in 2011, and it was for others. Yay! I used my new heart-shaped waffle maker and it works perfectly!

I’m gonna pick up one for my big sis, too!

After YAM, I caught a movie with my BFF. While waiting, we went over to Starbucks for chai tea lattes and were blessed with free cupcakes.

We caught  The Roommate  with Leighton Meester, of Gossip Girl fame,  and the beautiful, Minka Kelly, who I didn’t know existed until I caught her appearance on a late night show last week but recently discovered via wikipedia that she also starred in NBC’s, Friday Night Lights.

While The Roommate was predictable, I enjoyed Meester’s commitment to crazy.  Kelly’s character, Sara Matthews, was easy to root for but had moments of naivete.  Overall, I’d give it a  3/5 for predictability alone.

Saturday was laundry day. Doing laundry is therapeutic and I just love the scent of clean sheets. I found a new-to-me laundry detergent. It costs next to nothing and gets my clothes really clean. It’s called ROMA. Living in a predominantly Haitian/West Indian neighborhood has exposed me to culturally specific products; Roma, a cost-effective alternative to commercial brands (Gain, Tide, etc.) is one of the gems I’ve found.

After laundry I walked my errands for close to two hours. My legs were beyond tired. I made one last stop to the seafood market to pick up conch for my sister’s Super Bowl party.

The Jamaican restaurant in Miami Gardens didn’t have enough fried dumplings to accompany my craving for ackee and saltfish so I opted for curry chicken, rice and peas, and cabbage. I bought the last dumpling to dip in my curry gravy, though.

I went home, showered, enjoyed my meal with a sweet carrot juice concotion and napped for like three hours.

My sister and I visited our big sister, her husband, and three uber cute daughters.  It was really good seeing them all. One of my nieces decided she’s going to come to school with me on Take Your Daughter to Work Day. I agreed, hopefully not prematurely.  I don’t get to spend much time with them and I’d like to be a larger part of their lives, so I know I have to make the effort; even if it’s an inconvenience to me.

 

Saturday night found my sister and I at her friend’s apartment for a ladies night in. It was cool. Kinda stuffy at first but by night’s end we were all better acquainted.

On Sunday morning, I visited The New Golden Heights Church of Christ in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. It was quite the change of pace for me. The congregation I attend is 20 minutes away from my sister’s place and I hadn’t visited in quite some time. The message was enlightening. Dr. W. F. Washington taught about the history of the church Jesus established.  I’m interested in learning more about Jesus’s first ministry.

Post-worship service, I grabbed a few things from Publix, changed clothes, and wrote a piece for a super couple at my church. With their permission, I’ll post it here on Valentine’s Day. They’re one of my favorite married couples. Their love is evident and they’re best friends. I really admire their story and though unconventional, the way they met is a testament to God being in control.

After writing and another run to the store (being the youngest sister at the house has its downfalls, you become the errand girl 😦 ), I chopped, mixed, seasoned and fried for what seemed like an eternity. My seafood fritters and secret dipping sauce were the appetizers which meant they were prepared last. My feet were throbbing after two hours in front of the deep frier but it was worth it.

Spending time with my family is always a treat. Lots of laughs, trash talking, food and too much fun.

My oldest sister, her husband, my old-er sister, her beau, too many cousins,  and family friends were divided unevenly supporting The Steelers and The Packers.

While I was upset with the loss of The Black Coach, the jokes and quality time with my family made up for any game.  I felt like myself. A little closer to sepia and far from blue.

On the ride home (and two hours after arriving at my place), I had an in-depth convo with a life-long friend (I’ve known her since like kindergarten). Her candor about being single (can I post anything without talking about a relationship? LOL) gave me hope that I will get through this. I know I will. I’m getting through it. She gave me her therapist’s ear and didn’t judge me. We shared, compared, laughed and that was the perfect end to a kinda sorta amazing weekend.

thanks for allowing me to share a little sepia with you.

How was your weekend?

SNB 🙂

 
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Just Friends

Hey all…

I’m  going to put it out there into the universe.  I just want to be friends.

There’s nothing like having a platonic male friend to bounce ideas off, give you a response driven by logic rather than emotion, or just be there to take out the trash.

Right now, while I’m healing, I don’t wanna go out on dates with faceless men who will mean absolutely nothing to me once I’m done eating or watching a movie or walking in the park… I just want a friend.

A friend who won’t  judge me for not cleaning up my room but will remind me that I should probably wash my clothes… A friend who won’t ask me if I’m going to perm my hair…

 One who will spend the day thrifting with me and watch ESPN repetitively so I can see KG’s interview again and again and again.

Just a friend who will treat me like the woman I am; because I’m not one of the guys.

Someone who’s after my best interest but not looking to fall in love with me.

Sure, I know the type who just wants to “be friends” but attempts a kiss at the end of a “hang out”… No, I don’t want one of those. We don’t even have to hug. A dap will suffice. But I prefer a fist bump.

Am I too late? I mean, seriously, do people my age (almost 30) still form new, platonic relationships?

Do guys just want to be friends or is everyone looking to  wife (or in a woman’s case, hub) someone up?

Yeah, so, a relationship is not in the forefront of my mind, but I’d like a true blue friend…. One who has a bit in common with me but doesn’t secretly love me… I’ll speak on this more soon… I’m sure.

I’m actually asking to put myself in the dreaded friend zone… (after all that complaining in the past, I actually WANT to be JUST  a friend?)

Thoughts?

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Thoughts….

Happy Monday!

Just sharing my thoughts from Friday…. I might post later… Thanks for reading.

Friday 1.28.11
Location: Classroom
Time: Lunch time
Mood: What’s that?

I didn’t wear heels today… I ran for the bus when I didn’t see it coming and missed the early bus… Panting on the bus stop in 50 degrees I sat down and plugged in my ear phones… Not plugs… I broke those a few days ago but I bought a three pack set of earphones, earplugs and the kind that wrap around your ears (what are those called?)… I broke two out of three and I’m left with old school earphones… No one uses these things anymore…

In a magenta polo and loose straight leg dark wash jeans rolled at the ankle and an oversize navy blue cardigan I’m sitting in my classroom. Beyonce`is singing Jay-Z’s praises in “Hello”… I love this song but I don’t believe in love at first sight or word. People say what you want to hear and I’m not being skeptical…

On the way to my 4th period class I wondered to myself if my ex reads my blog… So much of my thoughts are wrapped up in him these days… I won’t put our past out there, I’ll just say that I made a decision that changed our options… He’s moved on… I’m packing. Wondering if when I’ll get to the point where Kimberly Elise’s character in Tyler Perry’s Diary of a Mad Black Woman was when she realized she was over her husband.

Being completely honest, I want to get there. At the point where I can be his friend and genuinely be happy for him. I just skipped through 3 songs and stopped at The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill (the song, not the entire album)… This is by far my favorite L-Boogie track. I fell in love with it when I was about 15 or 16… Can I define my own destiny? Can I stop caring what he thinks? I’m sure it’ll take time.

I look down at my navy boat shoes w/ brown strings and white stitching and I think about him… I know I’m giving him way too much thought. He’s building a house. He’s moved out of mine and I’m still packing, looking at pictures on the wall… Girl,you gotta move on…

I had a conversation with my dad about break-ups… A real conversation… He told me his first love broke his heart and he had considered suicide… If he had taken his life at that phone booth with my Aunt on the other end I wouldn’t have his nose or feet or dark skin… I wouldn’t be typing these words… So, that taught me to just live and NOW… It takes time… Time…

I’m going to start sewing soon… That excites me… Well, yeah, it does… Adele is playing now.. Daydreamer… “heart” this song… Reminds me of NYC and living at 520 with Rat. I’m smiling…

Lunch break is almost over… I had IHOP… steak omelet and a soggy waffle… leftovers from breakfast… My stomach is way too full… Sprite from the vending machine poured into a styrofoam cup… I hear the bubbles crackling… Aside from Adele and my clicking on the keyboard, this classroom is quiet.

I have to do my hair when I get home…. I’d like to go shopping but I need a netbook more than a new dress… I like dresses… Vintage… They match my hair…

I’m rambling… It’s helping… I can get through this…
I read something great today on Demetria Lucas’s archives… I think it was from her 27th bday post… it read: A break up shouldn’t break you; don’t break down.

Again, it was a choice I made… I’m fluffing the pillows on the bed I made… May as well make it comfy, right?

Thanks for letting me vent.

Say Something Nice 🙂

SNB

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The Single Girl Threat

So, Sepia’s single. Been that way for quite some time now. Not a complaint. More statement than anything.

Up until a few short years ago, all my friends were single as well. We did the double dating thing, spent time together on the regular. It was like a group of friends who just happened to be dating. No pressure. We shared inside jokes. Things were cool.

Enter marriage, better known as the end of the gray area. Once everyone, and I mean, everyone, got engaged and married, and my relationship ended, things changed. Like that quickly.

No longer were we one cohesive group. There were pairs of people.    

And me.

Being an introvert, that didn’t really bother me. I loved spending time alone. Sure, it gave me time to go thrifting, count the tiles on the bathroom floor, reorganize my unnecessary scarf collection, walk aimlessly through Wal-Mart on date night, learn the choreography to Single Ladies (finally!) y’know, the things any normal non-lonely single gal would do.

It wasn’t until my favorite couple-friends had a housewarming that I noticed what would inevitably become my normal.

It’s a Saturday, The Couples are all in attendance. A few children and older folks are there.

And me.

I greet each woman with a kiss on the cheek, because these are my friends, right? Right.

The guys are in the other room, watching something  sports-related. I found it more interesting to sit and watch the Heat game – being fluent in ESPN and all –  than  to talk about the rising cost of daycare of which I can’t relate.

After five minutes in the TV room, unattended, I suppose, one of The Wives stood at the door and motioned for me to come to the kitchen.

“Why? I’m watching the game. Hold up, it’s almost half time.” I lean back and keep enjoying the game.

Less than a minute later, another one of The Wives is at the door.

“Sepia, did I tell you about the  chili recipe Keri and I made last weekend? I made it again. You should come and try it. Now!”

My excitement to watch the Heat demolish the Knicks in an overtime victory was interrupted by Wife after Wife after Wife.

One of The Husbands finally brought something to my attention.

“[Sepia], you know why they keep coming in here?”

“Either they really want me to try that chili or…”

“They’re afraid.” He finished for me.

*Light bulb*

“Wha-aaat? Afraid. Of ?”

“You. Here with us.” He points to a room full of men who I consider my brothers and I laugh.

“I’m just watching the g – oh! OH! OHHHH! I get it now.”

“It’s The Threat.” He leans back into the couch and turns the volume up.

From that day on, I’ve been careful to not be “one of the boys”, at least not in that circle. I’m not overly friendly and there are no personal jokes between one of The Husbands and I.

There’s and unspoken rule that Sepia + The Husbands ≠ Solo Time.

I’m good with this but The Threat came out of nowhere. One day, we were all friends. With the exchange of rings and vows I became a silent enemy. It’s an adjustment to make, however, am I to blame completely?

I will not – I repeat – will not dull my shine in the face of The Wives just so The Husbands won’t look my way. HOLD UP! Let me fix this.  Read on. I promise I’ll explain.

As a single woman, I see a lot of married women so into their husbands and children that they’ll neglect their own appearance. Ok. This. Is. Not. MY. FAULT.

Therefore, I won’t present myself as the Humpback of Single-Dame in order for you to feel comfortable.  Will this heighten The Threat? Sure, but, how am I supposed to not be single forever if I’m blending in with mediocrity?

Another side effect of The Threat is The Hook-up.

The Hook-Up: In an effort to rid the scene of The Single Woman, The Wives attempt to push said woman into the arms of any single, divorced, available man regardless of lack of interest,  zero attraction or sub standard conversation *not limited to these circumstances.

 

Um, what The Wives need to realize is this: though The Threat is real, it is also invalid. Just like I don’t want your husband, I don’t want any random man from church, your job, in line at the bank or in the frozen foods section.

Single does not equal desperate.

The Single Girl Threat, though mostly innate  – on the part of The Wives – causes unnecessary strain.  I look at it this way: before you jumped the broom, signed the papers, took the honeymoon, had the children, WE WERE FRIENDS! I’m still that same person. Also, The Husbands married The Wives  because they wanted to. If I was in the running to become America’s Next Mrs. -Insert Dignified Last Name- then you’d have something to worry about. But. I’m not. So, please chill.

Stop hovering over me when I’m having a business related conversation with one of The Husbands.

Stop it with the “I called you by mistake.” (Sure, and it happened to be from your husband’s phone.)

Stop analyzing everything he says in reference to me.” [Sepia’s] haircut looks nice” does not mean he wants me.

Realize this: I won’t be single forever but if we wait until I get married to trust me fully around The Husbands, then why not just drop this friendship?

Now, The Threat does not apply to everyone. Yes, there are some women who know that the quirky, uber random, well-dressed, know-it-all [Sepia] is the farthest thing from their husbands’ minds. For the selected few, Thanks bunches.  Teach the others.

I’m learning that there is a certain level of maturity and self-esteem you must possess in order for The Threat to not even affect you. Maybe one day The Threat will raise its ugly head in my relationship. Maybe it already has. How else would I know what it looks like? 

Are you threatened? Share.

Peace.

Sepia N. Brown.

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Blown Out Before You Lit…

Sepia’s in a funk of sorts today. There. I admitted it.

I’m having a for colored girls moment. Spring 2004, not the movie. My mood today reminds me a line I recited in a college revival of ntozake shange’s for colored girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf.

I knew it would happen but I was so stupid I thought I could do something about it – Lady in Yellow

I’m still very much the Lady in Yellow. Impatient, observant and a mental fixer. Even when the situation seems doomed from the word go, I find a way to make it better – in my mind.

Sure, I’m talking about relationships, thanks for asking.

The recent funk is caused by yours truly. I thought I could make something out of nothing. That only works when you’re a magician and magician, I am not.

From the start, I knew I should’ve  gone  in the opposite direction or not even turned down that street but my mental gps somehow malfunctioned and I arrived at his address.  My car was filled with the stench of loneliness and he, like a match blown out quickly to mask the odor, was there to make things a little better.

Problem is, like that match, the smell only goes away temporarily. Temporary. Not permanent. Better off not being at all. The loneliness came back and I needed him to mask it over and over and over and… You get the point.

I sought his presence to aid in the emptiness I felt when nothing he could do or say was enough to get me to the fill line. His laugh, a drop in the bucket. His jokes, even less. Hugs, kisses, time spent, none of that helped. Not. One. Bit.

But why?

The more I gave him my time, the more the smell festered and got worse. While I gave him my time and attention, he took pieces of me. The hole got bigger. I needed more temporary relief. Nothing helped.

Which brings me to today. Better after typing a few words, really. Looking for a way out of masking. I need to remove the source of lack.  I need to let go. Erase the pseudo solution because counterfeit is not my style.

While there’s nothing like the real thing, I’ve embraced that I must let go of the fake. It will hurt. My ego will crave the sweet words… In the end, it will make me stronger.

Note to self: When you light a match, you have to let it burn a little longer. By habit I blow the match out before it can burn me. Message.

I’ll keep you updated…

-Sepia

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Let’s Try This Again, Again.

Okay, the last thing I posted was about how I don’t blog enough…. That was in July. Like, four months ago. *knocks self in head*

What’s wrong with me? I have the WordPress app on my CrackBerry, I have access to a computer… Um, what’s really going on?

Yes, I’m writing about my lack of writing. Sad. Very. But at least I’m writing, right?

I’m gonna try this again.

Allow me to re-introduce myself. My name is Sep – I- to the – A Brown. (Yup, I did just try and be clever and rap.  Hope that went over well. Is this thing on?)

In all seriousness, I’m gonna try and write at least twice a week. That way, I’ll be able to get my word count up and improve my craft. That’s the purpose of this blog, y’know?

So, if there’s anyone out there reading this thank you. Lots. I promise not to bash myself anymore. There will be funny, insightful, uplifting, change-inducing pieces coming soon…. Please come back. Please?

You Stay Classy (insert your town),

Sepia N. Brown

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