Tag Archives: reflection

Random Blog: Post-Holiday Haze

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Happy Holidays! I had such an awesome time celebrating my baby’s first Christmas. I wanted to recreate the sandman in the picture above but we did so much running around that time did not allow it. Maybe if this Florida weather cooperates (and I have enough energy) I’ll go to the beach to make one before the year is out. Thank God for sunny Christmas days!

I’ve heard a time or two or three that your purpose is what wakes you up in the morning. For the past 11 months or so, I’ve been awakened at some point of the night or morning by the darling whispers (read: belting cries) of my baby girl. So, I guess my purpose as of late is being a mother and I am content with that. Sure, it’s one of my many slashes (wife/mother/student/…) but it has become the role that requires the most from me. 

Last night/ this morning I was awakened by something different: Anxious thoughts of the next few weeks. I’ll return to work, start classes again, host BK’s first birthday party, make newer, better, more perfect mistakes, and be better overall. That got me to thinking about my priorities. Rewind close to three years ago and I thought I wanted to be a lifestyle maven who attended great parties, wore fabulous vintage clothes, traipsing around town in high heels that cause no pain and my fro in the wind. Fast forward to today: my day-to-day is nothing like I’d imagined. I’m okay with that.  Life has shown me more perfectly what I need. While I’m always searching for a more balanced approach, I no longer want to pressure myself to be on any scene. Maybe this will change. One day. 

Based on this morning’s thoughts I want to be a little more under the radar and do more than I say. I guess as a resolution of sorts, I plan on living. Not spending an insane amount of time trying to pose for the perfect picture. This will require me to detach from social media a bit (aaaah!) and just live my life out loud no matter who likes it or not. I will live with intention and purpose and just be. 

I want to live like my BK: she’s not afraid of making mistakes, she’s fearless, she’s adventurous and she speaks her mind (as best she can at this point). She smiles and laughs and growls and is just fine with being herself. She’s pretty awesome and I get to be her mom!

With the holidays ending I’m looking at the upcoming year with promise. A year flies so quickly and we are often pressured into creating change quickly for other people. On a personal note, I had a baby almost a year ago. sure, I lost some baby weight but gained it all back (sure, this is a struggle for me but I’m human enough to share it). I realized that I had a household to run, a baby to raise, classes to take and a few jobs to do. Not making any excuses… like, none at all. I also, didn’t set any goals (this will change). So, there was nothing to look forward to. Enough about me,  I dare you to set reasonable goals but challenge yourself in every area of your life. Do something that scares you and just live. I have to do better and I hope you will, too. 

Be. Do. Live. 

 

Be Blessed and Live Well. 

 

Chanell Nicole ♥

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Perspective

As a new mommy, I’m always interested in hearing about what other new, first time moms have to say about motherhood. I’m part of an online community of moms that share ideas. I’m not as vocal as some of the know-it-all, cloth diapering, perfect birthing moms but I chime in from time to time. Today, one of the moms posted about her motherhood experience. I shared most of her sentiments. I won’t post her words but she said, “I’m mourning the old me”.

It made me think. While I am in no way the same “me” from a year ago, I miss her from time to time. She was an awesomely single woman who wore high heeled shoes more often than not. She was free. She actually slept in on Saturdays and had brunch on Sundays.

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Do I mourn her existence? Maybe sometimes, but she lacked so much that I have. She may have dressed better than me and had more money to spend on clothes and sushi but there’s a certain joy she didn’t have.

Maybe that came with motherhood?

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it’s all in the perspective. What was once important to me is now insignificant. Don’t get me wrong, being a mom is HARD WORK, and I know it will only get harder. I don’t LOVE waking up early or going to sleep way too late. I don’t LOVE being exhausted or not fitting into my prepregnancy clothes despite weighing the exact same amount I did before I became a mom. (Weight shifted around, I guess?) I don’t LOVE most of what motherhood is right NOW, but I do LOVE my daughter.

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The old me, however fabulous, didn’t have half my responsibilities or even a tenth of the love I have in my life right now.

So, do I miss the old me, sure? But I wouldn’t trade places with her… well, maybe on a Sunday. Boy, do I miss brunch with my BFF.

Until next time,  Live Well & Be BlessedImage.

Chanell Nicole

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On Turning 29

I should’ve posted this on June 13, 2011, but today I’m cleaning out my Draft folder so here goes nothing:

 

On my 29th born-day! I felt ahhhmazing!

 

 

Almost a month ago, I turned 29. Time sure flies when you’re busy living!!! I have learned so much about myself during this last year. As a woman, I am blossoming and becoming more aware by the moment. I’m not sure what 29 is supposed to feel like, but I feel amazing!!!

In less than 365 days, I’ll be 30, Lord willing. I’m so thankful for the lessons, the blessings, the tears, and most of all: THE LOVE!

When I look at my life and all that I’ve learned, I’m sure I can come up with 29 things I’ve learned and am thankful for…

1. God is love… Truly, He is merciful.

2. I don’t know everything there is to know about writing. I’m ok with this.

3. When I walk, people listen. (yes, walk, not talk)

4. Confidence is key. Cockiness is ewww.

5. Forgiveness is the best gift I’ve received. I need to give it more freely.

6. Getting over something is not as valuable as getting through it. The process builds character.

7. I am more girly than I give myself credit for.

8. I make perfect mistakes.

9. Though I hate (like really) exercise, the results are worth the work.

10. What others think of me is none of my business and does not guide my decisions.

11. Prayer is power. Pray for your enemies daily. It may give you power over them.

12. Relationships come and go and come and go; true friends will hold you down in every season.

A great evening out with great friends!

 

 

13. Doing things alone is freeing.

14. You are what you say you are. Speak life.

15. Ill-fitting clothes make you appear… ILL.

16. Seasons change.

17. Family is sometimes hard to love but the love is what holds the bond together.

18. All you have is right now.

19. Everyone doesn’t understand my vision. That’s cool. My eyes are in my head for a reason.

20. I’m okay with not being married. Thank God! This took about three years to come to grips with.

21. I’m not a perfect blogger and I like it that way.

22.  I am a lifestyle maven. Yes, I am!

23. When I walk in my purpose others reap the benefits.

24. I cook well but not often enough.

25. I’m not a teacher. I’m an artist who teaches.

26. If I turned on the ringer more often, I wouldn’t have to return so many calls.

27. I am no longer afraid of love.

28. Being me is super awesome. I wish you could try it!

29. I’m not sure what 30 is supposed to feel like, but 29 has been an amazing year so far. I wouldn’t trade it in for anything!

Thanks for reading.

 

Sepia ♥

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A Letter to Young Sepia

Hindsight is 20/20

If I knew then what I know now

If I could turn back the hands of time

Ever wanted to go back in time?

I have experienced tremendous growth as a woman this year. Through it all, I am realizing that I am a woman of resilience. I bounce back quicker and emerge stronger. I love and forgive and I am learning that God made me to be different and I LOVE IT!

 It  wasn’t always so easy for me. If I could go back and tell Young Sepia a few words, here’s what I would say:

Dearest Young Sepia,

You are a beautiful creation. Love the dark skin that you are in.

Sepia in grade 3.

 Your worth lies in your heart and not between your legs. The boys you like may not like you back but don’t let their lack of vision lessen your value. One day, you will get it right. In the meantime, nourish the friendships you have. Embrace all that makes you unique. Take pride in your intellect; wave it like a banner. Being smart is in fact the sexiest thing you can be right now. Don’t beg for attention. Write down your feelings and tell others of your hurt but don’t be too vulnerable.

Despite what you hear everyone’s not doing it. If they are you don’t need to. You are special and worth the wait. Love does not hurt or lie or cheat or steal. It won’t make you do anything you don’t want to. Form your own opinions. Speak up for yourself. Be proud to be you.

A very skinny Sepia. Circa 2000. The last week of Senior Year in High School.

In a few years, none of this will matter. There will come a day when you realize who your friends are. Some of them you don’t even know yet.

You will move to New York. Yes, New York! Just wait and see.

Subway smiles. 2009. NYC

Sepia, remember to always tell the truth even if it hurts. Be respectful and confident. You can be wrong sometimes, too.

One day, you won’t worry about designer bags or name brand clothes or matching your shoes to your shirts. You will learn to run in high heels and love it!

Though you will give your heart away many times only a select few will know what to do with it. Only One will truly love you back. He’s been there all along but at twenty-two, you’ll finally hear His call.

Sepia, when you lift the veil of fear you will finally see real success. Trust your gut. Be different. Be a lady; seen and not heard. Let your light shine. Stand up for your beliefs even if that means standing alone.

Love you before you love anyone else.  Don’t cry so much.

You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Trust me. You will get over Mike, David and Maurice. The seven years following college will shape you more than you know. Hold on. It will be a rollercoaster ride.

Young Sepia, as I close this letter, I want you to know:

1. Everyone can’t handle your dreams; share them sparingly.

2. God will become your closest friend.

3. Grandma was right about a lot. Listen closely.

Can’t wait to see what you become.

I Love You.

Sepia in Sepia. 2009

 

Sepia N. Brown

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